In full honestly, the last month has been physically and mentally the greatest challenge of treatment (and perhaps my life?) so far. My energy levels have been really depleted by the effects of the previous harsh chemo regimen, combined with starting the new drug at a new cancer center, and all the logistical coordination of that process. Brain fog, flu like symptoms, insomnia, and night sweats really have been wearing on me. 

This, combined with a treatment journey remaining ahead of more chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation have really challenged my abilities to stay hopeful and positive, and have pushed me a bit into despair and isolation. But, I’m starting to see some lights twinkling at the end of this long tunnel, and I’m thankful I’ve had some friends and family offering me some figurative flashlights and candles, and staying with me in the meantime. 

There are also some very good things to share:

1. I was able to find a local oncologist to coordinate with Henry Ford, and administer my remaining rounds of chemotherapy in Traverse City. This will make the remaining few months of treatment infinitely easier.

2. I’ve had a mostly good experience getting my infusions in town. I’ve enjoyed some friendly hellos from several nurses I used to work with on B3, which has really lifted my spirits!

3. I’m doing oncology yoga, with a god-sent yoga teacher in TC, and it helps so much. She has personal experience as a cancer caregiver, and professional background in psychology, trauma informed care, real, holistic yoga, and also teaches forest bathing (a type of nature therapy), so I am so fortunate to get to work with her every few weeks. 

4. I’m going to be hopefully going back to work soon, at least on a modified basis. I’m anxious about my stamina during chemo, but hopeful that on this new drug regimen, my energy levels will rise to the occasion, and work will give me a sense of purpose and in-real-life social connectedness that I’ve really been missing a lot. 

5. Best of all, we did some re-imaging at Henry Ford to evaluate how chemo is going, and my tumor and lymph nodes have both shrunk by half since starting chemo. This is great news, as it means the cancer is shrinking and dying, and all of this struggle is for a purpose. We are hoping and praying for a complete pathological response by time of surgery, which means that after surgery I may be considered officially cancer free! Please join me in deeply hoping and praying for this outcome. 🙏🏼❤️

I also just wanted to take a minute to thank friends and family who have reached out to me over the last couple of weeks. Many times I haven’t been able to respond at all, have responded late, or not with much. I apologize for that, and ask just for understanding and for you to stick with me. 

A lack of response doesn’t denote a lack of love or appreciation- I’ve just been in survival mode, but truly appreciate and love every message of support I’ve gotten. I’m hoping to get back in touch with many of all of the great people I love soon, as I move out of this time of weariness and darkness and into greater hope and energy. For now, please know I send my love.

❤️, Shan