Journal entry by Blake Rowe —
Before I get into prepared words, I want to give a big thank you to Bethany Arts Center for giving us this space today. Thanks to the whole Bethany team who helped make this day work so well. Bethany also planted this tree in her honor. It is an Eastern Rosebud. It’s the first hint of color you see in the woods, and the leaves form the shape of a heart. Thanks to Julian and Josh for organizing Sharon’s art for all of us to enjoy. Thanks to April and Hugh for help hanging. (Any other thanks) feel free to enjoy Sharon’s art afterwards. If you like to purchase a piece, take a picture of it and contact me. Paintings with a red dot are not available.
Bethany was Sharon’s Happy Place; she was the first person to rent a studio for artists. In all the years we were together, I knew Sharon’s artistic talents only as a doodler; she would make cool shapes and patterns while talking on the phone. But three years ago, when she won the first six months of the studio in an auction, she went in on her first day and thought, “What should I do?” She thought she’d try writing, but pretty soon just said to herself, “I’ll take up painting!” Sharon has always had a true improvisatory spirit, and doesn’t get stuck on pesky concepts like skill or technique. She just starts and sees where it goes. As many here know, she isn’t precious with her work either, and is happy to give paintings away or just paint over something. Very soon, as the rest of the studio spaces were filled, Sharon became best friends with the other artists. In the meanwhile, by having a daily practice of showing up and doing the work, getting tips from neighbors down the hall, and taking the occasional class, her skill and technique grew, and she kept getting “better”, if that’s even a word she would use. The community at Bethany is just the first of several circles I want to mention today. Sharon, being her wonderful self, became beloved in whatever circle she traveled for her warm, welcoming and fun spirit. I had a powerful sense of these circles and connections becoming tangible and almost like physical threads as the condolences, cards and phone calls came in after she died. It’s as if the extent of her amazing network of people who love her was revealing itself to our family. As we are gathered here now, the thing that unites all of us is our love for Sharon, and that love embraces me, Julian and Eva, Sharon’s whole family, and then back to everyone who has a special place in their heart for Sharon. One of her circles was the Women’s Presidents Organization (isn’t that an awesome name?); several in that group reached out to me and, in her memory, is having an honorary bench placed at Shattemuc Yacht Club, where we’re members and have enjoyed many dinners and sunsets by the river. Aside from her name, the plaque will say, “Good morning, Hudson River”, which is what Sharon would say when taking the kids to school. Speaking of the river, Sharon’s love of water and swimming must be noted. Sharon got legitimately grumpy if too much time passed between swims. One of the summer spots she discovered was at Mohegan Lake, where, although she went to swim, instantly became one of the “Lake Ladies” who gathered at the beach. Suddenly Sharon was beloved by a whole new circle of friends. Most are here today. I want to take a minute to share my gratitude to many who traveled great distances to be here. I know we may not be able to have much quality time together but I’m so glad you’re here. Just a few states representing: Washington, California, Ohio, Florida, Virginia.
Anyway, wherever Sharon went, she had to find an outlet for swimming. Twice she swam across the Hudson River, 3 miles. She would like you to know that.
It really is hard to keep track of the different circles Sharon traveled in; I wasn’t part of many of them. She had just joined the crewing club based in Montrose… again, instant new set of friends. Actually, let’s do this: could you raise your hand if you’re part of a group I mention? Bethany, Mohegan Lake, Crewing club, Westchester Collaborative Theater, a theater connection in general, the Clearwater Board, Social Venture Network, Women’s Presidents Organization, Green Ossining committee, Ossining Film series at the library, Noyes Rhythm Foundation, Stone Ave, I could go on. But however you come to be here, it’s wonderful that you are.
I’m glad we could have this outside; the thought of having Sharon’s memorial in a church is almost laughable. Sharon is to religion what flat-Earthers are to Neil DeGrasse Tyson. In the days before she passed, a person from the hospital came in to ask her what her religion was; she said, “Nature”. When the kids were little and the subject of Hebrew School came up, she gave them a choice, “We have a certain amount of money to devote; do you want Hebrew School or to go skiing?”
A little history: by the way, I feel a little selfish taking all the time I want while telling our friends to keep it short, but I won’t take any more time talking about that.
We met at Thomas Pond in South Casco, ME where I was going to be Music Director for a production of Ain’t Misbehavin’. Sharon had just finished starring in Neil Simon’s The Star Spangled Girl, and was also a producer at the theater. When the other actors and I arrived we were being shown the sleeping quarters which were above the theater. I heard piano music below and looked through a knothole in the floor and saw the top of Sharon’s head. I went downstairs, and without saying a word, sat next to her and added harmony to her improvising. As I look back on it now, that was uncharacteristically bold. As the days went by, we flirted a bit. She put a dried up garter snake on my pillow and I wore it like a necklace. You know, flirting. I learned later that my odds were improved by the fact that I was the first straight guy to show up all summer. I also learned later that I had been put to a test; if I hadn’t been able to swim in a straight line she would have written me off. As a nerdy guy with thinning hair and coke bottle glasses, I played to my strengths and wrote her a piano piece, which I’d like to play, entitled Thomas Pond. [play piece] You know how that worked out.
Once back in NY, we dated, and Sharon would say she didn’t know if we would have stayed together if we weren’t on the same subway line. What I wouldn’t say when she said that, is I would have gone to Staten Island for her. She was so vivacious, pretty, fun, powerfully opinionated, I was completely smitten. Sharon is not quite the romantic I am, and every now and then would say, “Could you stop looking at me with those loving, doe eyes??” I learned how to be cool. We were married in 1986 in Central Park; no rain plan. Some symmetry here.
Julian was born in 1989, Eva in 1992, and as young parents in NYC we struggled with careers and raising a family. Sharon quit the sales job she was doing from home when her boss berated her for not being at her desk. Nobody tells Sharon what to do. It was inevitable that she would be her own boss. That’s when we started Eco-Bags Products, Inc. We both have always been focused on environmental preservation, and when we lived in Washington Heights in the 80s, the only reusable bag you could find was the tote from the NY Public Library. Later you’ll hear from Mac McCabe who will talk about Sharon’s vision and legacy with Ecobags, but I want to focus on our relationship. I will say this; Sharon always wanted to “go national” as an actress, and although that specific dream didn’t happen, she definitely went national with Ecobags, being featured in Time Magazine, Forbes and having Ecobags products featured on Oprah.
Sharon thought she could make money selling the European string bags she had seen in her travels before she met me, and still do acting jobs. This was before the Internet, so she called consulates and embassies, trying to find a manufacturer. We found one in Germany and got the bags in time for a booth on 6th Ave for Earth Day 1990 and sold 3,000 bags in four hours. I bought our first computer, the Mac SE with a 20mb hard drive and 4mb of RAM, and made the first invoicing/inventory system using Filemaker 1.0. Sharon always ran the business, but I was the tech integrator; she would say, “Blake, I need…” and I’d figure out a way. I like to joke I wasn’t the Wind Beneath Her Wings but I was the Wiring Beneath Her Desk.
Neither of us were particularly keen on our kids growing up where they couldn’t just go outside and play, so we moved to Dobbs Ferry on the recommendation of my friend Peter Berley and his wife Meggan. We spent eight years there, and the friends we made there are still dear to us, even if we don’t get together that often. We managed to save enough for a down payment and moved to 42 Stone Ave in Ossining in 1999. We spent 20 years there, and would be there still but I always wanted to live more in the woods and we moved to Croton in 2019.
I’ve basically spent my entire adult life in Sharon’s orbit; counting from the time we met, about 40 years. We made a wonderful life together. Me being on the academic calendar, and her being able to power down the business with EcoBags allowed us to have epic family summers.
We had our spats and the occasional bonafide fight, but it was actually a running joke with our friends that we never bickered. When we’d be seen having a disagreement, our friends would go, “Wait, is this an argument I hear? Stop the presses!” When we WERE mad at each other, there was still never any question of our love for each other. Sharon, as we all know, always had a lot to say on whatever anyone was talking about. She grew up in a family where everyone constantly interrupts each other, and stories are started but derailed by someone else’s side comment. As a polite southern boy, it was either sink or swim. I found my special skill was waiting for a tiny pause and inserting a pithy, summarizing comment. I was happy to settle back and watch Sharon hold court, either with our friends or speaking before a crowd. She was always passionately involved in whatever she did. She offered her time and expertise to countless groups, just wanting to help make things go as well as they could.
Sharon had about two months of intestinal discomfort before she was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. Surgery was not an option, and she went through three months of the most aggressive chemo available at MSK. When the CT scan after those three months showed it was still progressing, it was barely six weeks later when she died. We were able to accomplish one last family vacation, to North Captiva Island in Florida. It was very challenging, and Sharon’s pain was constant, but we still had some good moments and walks on the beach. She fought the good fight, and likened her treatments to being a prize fighter who goes in the ring every other week, gets beaten to a pulp and then does it all over again. From the first day of her diagnosis I told her there wouldn’t be a single day for the rest of our lives that I missed saying I love you.
For those first three months of treatment, we kept a positive attitude as much as possible; telling ourselves stage four isn’t what it used to be, and people can become cancer free for years. We personally know some of those heroes. We collected stories of survivors and focused on the many gifts in our lives. Early on, Sharon said something extremely important. She said she had no regrets or remorse, and was glad we hadn’t postponed our lives for some future payoff in retirement. She talked about not wanting to draw out her sickness if things got really bad, just to have a few more weeks of suffering.
Because we kept doing our best to focus on visualizing beating back the cancer, we didn’t really spend time talking about the end of our time together. It wasn’t until we were in Florida that Sharon acknowledged she was dying. There were a few times I would look at her and see the deep sadness of her realization that she had so little time left to be with us. It broke my heart, and all we could do was just tell her we love her over and over. It was six months from her first symptoms to her passing. It was so fast, yet excruciatingly slow. Knowing that her chances were so slim, watching her dealing with pain, digestion, piles of medications, it was like watching someone you love with all your heart ever so slowly fall off a cliff, and you can’t give them your hand and pull them back up.
We all lose those we love, but knowing how common it is doesn’t make it less painful. What solace I have comes best when I think about the 40 years we were part of each other’s lives, our beautiful children, and the fact that Sharon lived her life fully for all of it, and died without regret or remorse. I wanted another thirty years with her, but I loved the 40 we had.
I mentioned this idea to a few people, but hear me out; life is like baking bread. When I was learning about baking, I learned that whatever the amount of flour you use, it is always considered 100%. The percentage of water, salt, and anything else added is always in relation to the flour. Most of us have the idea of 100 years as 100% of a full life, but that’s not really how it is. Sharon lived a 100% full life in her 67 years, and we are all the richer for knowing her. I will love her forever.
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