In early May I saw a post on Facebook of a friend of a friend of a friend's husband who needed a kidney and was going to die. I know 2 people that have donated a kidney so the concept was not foreign to me. When I read it I thought "I could maybe save this guy's life" and decided I should at least get evaluated to see whether I could donate. It was such an empowering feeling to think that I could save a life and before I knew it I was having bloodwork done and wearing a 24 hour BP monitor.
Fast forward to late June when I received an email that my intended recipient received a deceased donor kidney. I had already done quite a bit of research, had gone through some of the evaluation (meetings with social workers, psychiatrists, patient advocates, etc) and knew I could still save a life. I decided to continue with the testing and didn't need to make any decisions yet.
Honestly, I was not as excited because I couldn't picture the person on the other end. It didn't seem personal. I thought about finding somebody that needed a kidney (there are plenty - over 100k people waiting for a kidney), but it didn't feel right - who was I to decide that I should choose person A over person B. I did some soul searching and decided that my wanting to have a special relationship with the recipient was selfish, and that I was doing this to save somebody's life. I learned more about what it meant to be a non-directed donor and decided this was the route to go.
Non-directed donors are people who do not know who will be receiving their kidney. They play a critical role in this world of kidney donation because they often can trigger/enable a "chain" where multiple donations can occur. These chains are made up of people who want to donate their kidney but aren't a match or the best match for their intended recipient. Chains are also called paired kidney exchange or kidney swap.
In addition to saving more than 1 life, another advantage of being a non-directed donor (also called Good Samaritan or Altruistic Donor) is that you get a family voucher for up to 5 family members. If any of them ever need a kidney, they get moved toward the top of the list (redeemable only 1 time). This was really reassuring. It also provided a response to the frequent objection people often have 'what if someone in my family needs a kidney and I then don't have one to give'?'.
In terms of ever knowing the recipient, it depends on whether both parties are interested. They told me not to expect it. I can write a letter to them and if both parties are open then they will share contact info. I do get to know general demographics. My kidney will go to a 59 year old woman getting the transplant at Emory in Atlanta.
So that's how I got here. I'll add some journal entries with more details about surgery, etc
Two requests I have of you: 1) Please don't tell me I'm a saint or a hero or amazing - I'm doing this as much for me as for the other person. I am getting something out of it. It sounds like a crazy thing to do, but I'm benefiting. It also makes me uncomfortable, so please don't make me uncomfortable - I will have plenty of other things doing that after surgery. 2) Tell everybody you know that there's such a thing as donating a kidney. We are given 2, but need only 1. As they say, share your spare!
It is with deep sadness that I share that my dear friend Muriel passed away over night. These last few weeks have been such a blessing because 3 5 weeks ago we thought she was at the end. She surprised all of us with becoming more and more alert and was able to have extended conversations, right up to the end.
I am so fortunate that I was able to visit her daily, and it was always the highlight of my day. I get comfort in knowing that she died the way she wanted - in her own home and in her sleep, Her son and daughter-in-law were here just a couple of days ago and I'm so glad they got to spend quality time with her.
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