Chemo week number four. This round has been the hardest so far. I was warned that it gets worse with every round. Some of the side effects are lessening, because the doses of the hard stuff are being decreased, but the fatigue this time around was exceptional. Even with the big dose of steroids that I get with my chemo, I slept 11+ hours the night after my infusion. I usually spend the week working from home, but I struggled to do that this week. Focusing, and trying to "work" in that state of exhaustion is beyond difficult. This experience is teaching me that perfectionism is unattainable, and sometimes, just doing my best is acceptable and all I can do.... another lesson of cancer. There have been so many! 
Some good news to add though... I had a mammogram and ultrasound on April 9th. I will write the words of the report, because it makes it so much more real to me. 
"Excellent imaging response status post Neoadjuvant chemotherapy with essentially complete resolution of the left breast mass and ipsilateral lymphadenopathy." So, in regular people terms, the mass and lymph node are no longer showing up in the mammogram and ultrasound. Chemo is doing its job. It doesn't change much along the lines of treatment, however. Will continue through 2 more rounds of chemo. 5 rounds of immunotherapy, surgery and most likely radiation. It may change the path of surgery more towards a lumpectomy, but that still remains to be seen.  
I try really hard to spend my good days doing things that feed my soul. Trying to outrun the dread, stress and exhaustion that comes with chemo. Keeping my mind healthy and positive. This too gets harder with every round of chemo. The weakness, and difficulty in remembering things from moment to moment, the inability to come up with words that should come easily, the people pleaser inside of me that struggles with being annoying or burdensome because of all the things I mentioned. I am blessed to have patient people in my life. :) I believe this is another lesson of cancer. People pleasing has always been an issue for me, and now it's mostly impossible and I haven't fallen apart, and the people who love me, continue to love me. I am finding out, slowly who I am without being something I am not, just to make someone else happy or more comfortable. PS. I have a long way to go. 
My chemo buddy this week was Emily. She kicked my butt in Uno, but I prevailed in Speed. :) We laughed at my Barney the dinosaur resemblance while wearing my purple ice gloves and slippers. (Helps prevent neuropathy that can be caused by one of the chemo drugs.) Thanks, Emily, for keeping me entertained. 
I also wore a hat that my friend Laurie Ferron gifted me. It is a hat that was worn by her husband Rob.  He wore his Grumpy Dwarf hat to every chemo he had. Having a part of "Bad Rob" hanging out with me during chemo meant the world to me. Thanks Laurie, for the hat, the hugs and the support.