August 22nd... National Rainbow Baby Day- Remembers babies born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or passing away of an infant. Rainbow babies signify hope and healing after a loss and are seen as the rainbow after the storm. 

As I sit here holding my rainbow baby, one day after she turned one month old that just happened to be her due date, I can't help but reflect on this journey that God has taken us through. I went back and read all of the journal entries and I can't help but relive all of the emotions. They just came flooding back in... the loss, the hurt, the hope, and the excitement. I often find myself wondering what it would be like to have Blakely's siblings here with us... chaos, sleepless nights, endless cuddles, nonstop laundry. I would happily embrace every single bit of it. Though my mind wonders often, I have the most unexplainable peace. This was something that I've been praying for... peace. God has provided more than I could ever hope for. 

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

After spending four days in the hospital the week of July 4th for preeclampsia and a kidney infection, my Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor admitted me two weeks later for my blood pressure being really elevated. I joke all the time about my expensive luxury vacation the whole month of July :) My doctor put me on a 160/105 cutoff for my blood pressure and if I get two readings at home within 15 minutes then I have to come to the hospital for monitoring. 

On the morning of Sunday, July 21st, I had two back to back readings of blood pressures over 160/105. I told Erick we would go to church first and then go to the hospital after. Secretly hoping that would give my BP time to go down... it didn't. We got to the hospital around 1:30 and I was immediately hooked up to several monitors and given many, many pills to try to get my BP down. It still didn't work. My OB isn't staffed at GHS on the weekends so I had to meet with GHS' OB doctors who decided it was time for our girl to make her entrance into the world at just 35 weeks. 

I was given three bolus bags of Magnesium (which makes you feel like you've been hit by a truck) and then wheeled into the OR to prep for our girl. Erick was told to stay put until my spinal was administered, which should only take about 10 minutes. In the meantime, the anesthesiologist's intern was trying to give my spinal and was having a difficult time. I can't even remember how many times I came off of the table in pain. Finally, after 30 minutes of him trying, the anesthesiologist stepped in and got it the first time. Erick was getting super anxious not knowing what was taking so long. When they finally brought him in, they had already started cutting on me. The nurse asked if I wanted to see Blakely be born and if so, they would drop the sheet when they pulled her out. It was such an amazing experience. I just remember hearing Erick say, "Mama, look how tiny she is!" and tiny she was. At just 4 lbs 13 oz and 17 3/4 inches long, our sweet Blakely arrived kicking, screaming, and so fierce that she didn't need any NICU time or any other assistance! That's when everything went dark...

My spinal had stopped working. Back bowing, legs kicking, I felt EVERYTHING! After laughing gas, many doses of propofol, and the nurse threatening the anesthesiologist that he had three seconds to get this under control, I was finally knocked out. I just remember being in this colorful tunnel, spinning around, and thinking, "this is it, this is what it's like to die." Fortunately, after two hours, I was wheeled into recovery to see the most precious baby girl! 

Recovery has been slow due to it being my third c-section, but I have been so blessed to be able to stay at home with this sweet girl. She is absolutely perfect... passing every test given by the doctors. She's still tiny at 6 lbs 3 oz, but she is beyond fierce! She loves to nap on my chest, listen to music, watch baseball, lay on her activity mat, listen to Baileigh and Bentley, and she absolutely LOVES when me and Erick give her baths at night. She, like her mama, does NOT like car lines at the school!

Thank you all so much for the continued prayers. We have felt every single bit of them!