We've been reflecting a lot the past few weeks as we think about this time a year ago and wanted to share both for our own memory and for your encouragement. This is a long one!

A year ago today on December 16th, Jenna had been in the hospital for 20 days, since the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She was initially admitted to the St. Vincent's Women's Hospital due to her Covid-19 infection and the need for additional oxygen help to stay above the 95% oxygenation that is required for pregnant patients. Since the time she was admitted, they were monitoring both Jenna's status but also continuously monitoring the baby's heart rate as well. Even from the beginning, Reagan was having little heart deceleration episodes where her heart rate would drop down to the 80's and stay low for longer than it should (short little dips are normal and to be expected due to the baby's cord getting clamped in certain positions, etc.. but Reagan's were longer than this).

When Jenna got transferred to the main St. Vincent hospital due to increased oxygen needs, Jenna had her own nurse but then also a nurse from the Women's Hospital was assigned to us each shift for the sole purpose of watching Reagan's heart rate via a video monitor from our room to their spot outside our door. After spending 3 sobering days in the ICU due to needing high flow oxygen, praise the Lord her oxygen needs lessened, perhaps in part due to receiving an experimental monoclonal antibody (one of the last 2 doses the hospital had at the time, in the height of the Delta variant). She got moved back to a step-down unit and was able to have a few extra visitors at the main hospital before getting transferred back to the Women's Hospital.

Because of Covid restrictions, each patient at the Women's Hospital was only allowed two visitors that had to stay the same for the entirety of our stay. Our amazing friend Kirra was such a light during that time and brought as much Christmas joy and spirit into the hospital room as she could. Some girlfriends organized a 12 Days of Christmas for me with a new gift to open each day, we decorated Christmas cookies and many friends gave an ornament to decorate my little Christmas tree just to name a few. That was all just in the hospital, but back at home our moms selflessly dropped everything to keep our kids and home going as smoothly/normally as possible and many of you cared for us so generously during that time with gifts for the kids, meals and so much more.

Aaron split his days by being home with the kids for breakfast, working from home until after lunch and then finishing his work day at the hospital. We thought it was best for the kids for him to be home as much as possible, so he would usually spend through dinner time with me, and then head back home to tuck the kids in. About two weeks in to Jenna's hospital stay, the kids were finally approved to visit Jenna and got to visit twice the following week. It was short 30 minute visits in a small conference room with masks, but it was amazing after so much time apart!

All this time Reagan was continuing with her heart decels.  The doctors best guess was that Covid had affected Jenna’s placenta, causing the decels (the Delta variant was especially unkind to pregnant moms.)  More troubling, the episodes were beginning to get longer. And sometimes when she would pull out of the period of deceleration, her heart would then shift into a period of elevated heart rate due to the stress.  This was all very concerning, but it was also not quite enough of a reason to schedule an early delivery. So we continued to take life day by day, not knowing how long Jenna would need to remain in the hospital or if the decelerations would decrease over time. The doctors told us their goal was to keep Reagan in as long as was possible/safe, and likely wouldn't need to take her early unless the decels became much more frequent, such as every hour.

With the kids headed to Goshen with Jenna's mom for a change of scenery, Aaron planned to sleep at the hospital on the night of December 16th for the first time.  Jenna had spent a portion of the day on NPO (no food or drink by mouth) due to Reagan having a deceleration that the doctors didn't like so she would be prepped for a C-section (this had happened several times previously) and was finally cleared to eat dinner.  Aaron went and picked up Chipotle for dinner right around the time of the shift change.  Not long after we finished eating, the doctor on call came in to the room.  With the baby's heart rate being monitored continuously, we often had members of Jenna's care team in the room repositioning heart monitors and/or Jenna to keep an eye on Reagan's heart.  The doctor came in and alerted us that, even though Reagan had largely been off the monitor for the last several minutes (not uncommon), it appeared to him that when the monitors did sporadically pick up Reagan's heart beat she had shown signs of a significant deceleration.  He was surprised to find Jenna had been cleared to eat and told us if she hadn't just eaten then he would have already taken Jenna back for an emergency C-section.  Because Jenna now was full of food and at an increased risk of aspiration, he planned to schedule surgery for 8am on Friday the 17th unless Reagan had another deceleration episode during the night.  In that case, they would perform an emergency surgery and take Reagan at that time.  

With Reagan commonly having 4-6 of these episodes daily, we knew it was very unlikely to make it another 12 hours without an event.  The news of the scheduled surgery was jarring.  We went from a period of waiting and wondering to then being faced with the sudden and early arrival of our baby girl.  Initially, we were overwhelmed with anxiety.  Aaron can still remember his Apple Watch buzzing him and asking if he was working out.  He wasn't.  But his heart rate had elevated so much at the news that his heart was getting a workout.  After our minds cleared a bit, we knew what we needed most was prayer.  We made a few phone calls, sent out texts, and posted on Facebook asking for prayers on our behalf.  Yet again, the people of God rallied behind us.  Our church small group and others prayed us through the night, asking that we would not be forced to have emergency surgery and that the scheduled delivery would go well for mom and baby.  While neither of us slept well at all, it was an experience we'll never forget.  Through the kindness of God and the answered prayers on our behalf, we had peace beyond measure.  We had peace that didn't make any sense.  Faced with the very early birth of a baby girl under duress after weeks of a very difficult road, we had peace beyond understanding.  Already we were beginning to see the Lord's hand in the midst of these difficulties.  Could it have been coincidental that Thursday night before Reagan was born was the first time Aaron was able to (and had already planned) to spend the night at the hospital?  In so many ways, the Lord carried us through the hardest moments and brought both levity and tears when the burden needed to be lightened.  We jokingly call that meal at Chipotle our "last supper."  And here we are, one full year later to the day, getting a rare opportunity to go out just the two of us.  The most difficult year in our life bookended by some really good chips and salsa :)

At some point during that evening a year ago, we remember realizing that Reagan's birthday would be December 17th. We have *many* December birthdays in our extended family and both Aaron and Brooklyn (along with his mom and aunt) have birthdays on the 17th of other months, as well as our anniversary being on May 17th. In the midst of something we never would have planned or chosen, I remember thinking - of course she would be born on December 17th. God's got this. He is not surprised by this.  He didn't promise that everything would be okay for Reagan or how many minutes/hours/days we'd have with her, but Psalm 139 does say that he had every one of her days planned, before as yet there was one of them. He is trustworthy and is a good Father, no matter the outcome.  He is not good because of how things have miraculously turned out for Jenna, Reagan, and our family.  No, he is good because he is good.  We can attest of his goodness in the midst of great trial.  And this girl Reagan?  God is not done with her.  She has quite a story to tell!