Good news/bad news…

As I continue on this journey to becoming “normal” again I’m starting to question what my “normal” will be.  Since I last updated you in October, I have had a few things happen…some good…some bad.

At my last ultrasound (alternating with mammograms every 3 months) they found an abnormality around the surgical site.  Of course, I was sure that they had missed something in the original surgery, and I proceeded to expect the worst so I would be prepared.  They did a biopsy in November and the BEST thing happened!  As I, the technician and the doctor watched the ultrasound screen, the biopsy needle entered the abnormality and it disappeared!  The needle popped it essentially!  The doctor said that was a pretty sure indicator that it was a cyst and not cancer.  And the results showed no malignancy!  Phew!

But as I look back on everything I’ve been through, the surgery, chemo and radiation were the easy parts.  Ever since the end of January I have been trying different chemo drugs to find one I can tolerate for the next 5 years.  I thought the most recent one – Tamoxifen – would be it…but no…it was the worst.  It, along with the other two I tried, caused my arthritis to intensify.  As of September, Jerry and I were walking laps at the park, and I was improving.  Then my right knee decided it didn’t want to walk and carry me around anymore!  It causes excruciating pain.  The Tamoxifen also caused my ankles (and probably other parts of me) to puff up.  My triglycerides doubled in the short time I was on it (a side effect most people don’t experience) and, although I don’t know if it caused this – I was getting flashing in my eye and a new “floater”.  My oncologist took me off this drug and as it leaves my body, I’m noticing my ankles are skinny, the flashing has stopped but my knee still hurts.  I think the damage has been done.  The doctor said there is one more drug I can try but it is very similar to Tamoxifen and the side effects concern me so Jerry and I will have a difficult decision to make – whether or not to take a chemo drug that negatively affects me so that I can have a slight improvement of my chances of not getting cancer again.  It’s a hard decision.

Now I have to figure out how to physically navigate around.  I’m pretty much house bound which is a depressing situation.  I use crutches or a walker when I have an appointment and I’m getting cortisone shots in both knees every three months which helps the left knee but doesn’t do much for the right one.  I will have physical therapy on my knees coming up also.  My main focus now is taking off weight to make it easier on my bone-on-bone arthritic knees.  Then, possibly knee replacement in the distant future.  I never imagined how much pain can limit your life.

So, other than dealing with the Lymphedema in my upper left arm, I feel like I’m 100% healthy…until I try to walk.  Then I feel like Izzy, our old, crippled neighbor who lived next to us when we were in our 20’s!  Life can really kick you in the teeth sometimes!  And I’m sorry I didn’t make Christmas cards this year.  I just didn’t have it in me.  Happy New Year!