I struck gold today!!  It has been six months and one day since losing Rick.  There have been numerous changes in my life, one of them being putting my house up for sale.  Today, I was cleaning my office in preparation for pictures and pulled out a shelving unit.  Underneath it among the dust-bunnies were some folded papers.  The words on the papers in Rick’s handwriting were:

“Cindy, before God and before this great body of witnesses here, I covenant to love you with all my heart. I will love you as Christ loves the church, filling your needs and healing your hurts.  I shall be your spiritual covering and also your children’s.  I shall seek Jesus on your behalf continually.  I shall stay with you through the good and the bad until one of us passes from this life to the next.  By the grace of God, I will fulfill this covenant.

Christopher and Carly, I promise to love your mom and to treat her kindly and look after her needs.  From this day forward, I will consider the two of you as my children.  I know you already have a daddy and I cannot fill his shoes.  However, I will be a father to you.  I will love you as my own children.  I will seek goodness and honor on your behalf from the Lord continually.  I will care for your needs and I will protect you from harm.  I will petition Jesus for healing for you.

Amie, Angie, Charlie and Chris, I love you guys.  I thank you for being willing to share your lives with Cindy, Christopher and Carly.  I thank you for your patience and forgiveness for me as a young and selfish father.  I always seek wholeness, healing and the fullness of the kingdom of Christ for you kids from God.  He is good and will deliver.  I love you kids and thank God for each one of you continually.

Children, each one of you is a gift not only to Cindy and I, but to all those around you.  So put on Christ and be a sweet smelling aroma.”

Rick kept every one of his vows and I know God told him “job well done my good and faithful servant.”  He was a wonderful husband and I miss his wisdom, humor, hugs and foot rubs (and so many other things, but right now my feet are talking to me).  One of my friends said that I am lucky to have been loved so much.  More than ever, I realize how blessed I am to have been loved and cherished by my husband.  Every memory is good, even the not-so-good memories.  They all make me smile.  What I am learning or practicing is to cherish these not-so-good moments while our loved ones are alive.  Rick wrote in our Love After Marriage workbook, everything else is “in the wind.”

Your prayers have helped me through this process.  Thank you for listening.