One year ago my world was completely rocked when I lost my brother Rick.  Throughout his illness I tried to do everything in my power to stay positive, try to inspire others, be his advocate, support my family, and believe something good would come out of all the difficulty I was enduring.  

One year later where am I and what I have learned.

The biggest thing I learned was how much I miss him and how I had so much of our relationship I needed to resolve.  I've had so many people tell me how much he loved me and my family and there was never any doubt about that.  I had to deal with the reality that I was not always the best brother I could be.  I would be annoyed many times he called, becuase I was "too busy", I didn't make an effort to reach out to him just to see how he was.  I would say, I love my brother, and we dont have much in common.  That was just an excuse to not make an effort to find something in common.  Before he got sick, days or even weeks would go by and I would not think of him. Now, there hasn’t been a single day since August 23, 2022 that haven’t thought about him. 

I picked up Lego's to try to find that connection with him after he was gone.  He talked about Lego therapy, and now I get it.  I have built 3 different sets in the last year.  It has been a calming place for me to connect with my brother in spirit.  I wish I understood this when he was alive.  I truly beleive this was something that we could have enjoyed together if I had not been close minded.  

I have learned from this.  Whenever I get a phone call and I am "too busy", I try harder now to make the effort to stop and think about that.  If you have read this far and you feel inspired, please do the same for yourself.  Don't wake up after someone is gone and wish you had that one more day to make things right, or spend more time with them. There will come a time when that person is gone.  I pray for everyone reading this when that day comes, you can look back and feel good about the time you had with your person, that you said all the things you wanted to say, and you found that special thing to do together.

Some may not know what all was going on with me last year during Ricks illness. As if his illness wasn’t enough. Within two weeks of his diagnosis Michelle and I took Dayna to college for her first year, my mom had Covid for the first time,  and i lost my job.  I tell you this not for pity or for a desire of recognition, but for inspiration. You see, during all of the difficulty I was facing, I kept my faith that everything happens for a reason. All of this had a purpose and in the end, there would be some sort of reward for being strong, staying positive, and inspiring others. 

I realized when I lost my job (due to a reorg) it was because god knew how focused I was  on work, that I would not adjust my focus where it should be. So god took care of that decision for me and gave me the gift of time and focus. Fortunately I understood this right away and embraced it. 

I also recognized the support I had from all of my family and friends. I would not have been able to make it through without Michelle. Quietly there to hold my hand, to wipe away my tears or to just hold me when I was crying like a baby. She was and is my rock. My friends were there in so many wonderful ways, either through texts messages or calls or hugs at band practices. Rick’s passing also helped heal some wounds of past relationships. I was able to reconcile with my best friend and our relationship is now as strong as ever. Everything happens for a reason. 

Shortly after Ricks passing I had the amazing opportunity to start my dream job. I say my dream job because back when I was in college I worked at Parts Express for 5 months and learned so much about business and marketing. Back then PE was a small catalog company selling electronics and audio equipment. Throughout the years I stayed on touch with the president Jeff and always wanted to work there. The timing was never right. Now PE has grown into a much larger company and has transformed into much more than just a catalog company. The timing was finally right and I started working at PE in December last year and it has been everything I could have hoped for. Which takes me back to everything happens for a reason. If I had worked at PE earlier I my career I would not have brought back experiences that could help the company continue to grow. My work at Frontgate, Kroger, FirstFinancial and others prepared me to have the skills needed to contribute to PEs success. 

So here we are, one year later. This feels like a sermon and I guess the theme of it is everything happens for a reason. It is up to you to decide what that reason is.  As hard as it may be, if you can take a step back and look for the good in it, you will be rewarded in some way. 

While I have grown, there is a still piece of my life which my brother filled that I this missing.  I will have learn to live with that and maybe some of the hole can be filled with Lego pieces. 

To my brother Rick, I miss you every day. I think of you every day.