Its been a long time, life takes over and this site gets neglected.  Despite me finally finding the courage to actually ask my Oncologist what stage my cancer is and hearing Stage 4 Metastatic Terminal lung cancer is never a good day.  But I choose to “live with cancer”, as opposed to “dying of cancer”.  The reality is harsh, yet I’m oddly at total peace with it. I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared, Of course I am.  What scares me most is the thought of leaving my loved ones, Shelly, my sister Sheila, brother Jimmy, Phil, and all my extended family & friends. Right now...life is good! Every single day is such a blessing.  I am so blessed to have walked my daughter down the isle to marry her best friend on St Patrick’s Day ☘️.   God is Good, I felt great, I felt lucky , I had hair,  I felt (and feel) immense gratitude I never felt before my diagnosis.  It sounds crazy, but Cancer has strengthened me and gave me a whole new appreciation for every day.  March 17 was the happiest day of my life.   It was a beautiful day and am so happy for Shelly & Austin. I couldn’t ask for a better son in law than Austin. I know he will always take care of her and that puts me at ease. 
Back to reality is always rough after a wedding.  Returning to MGH, being smacked in the face with the reality of 2 more small tumors on my spine, which explains the back pain. More radiation is needed to alleviate my pain. I hate radiation , I hate it all, but this is what God has given me so I’m up for the challenge ! Bring it on 👊🏻 I have 3 more vaccines in the clinical trial.  My body could not handle the Keytruda (Pembro) , it kicked my ass. So no more of that, the side effects were too much. Right now I’m feeling pretty good and for that I am truly grateful. 
New scans are coming up next week. Scanxiety is real.  Praying for no new tumors or growth. Just felt the need to update this site and thank all those who are there for me and have my back.  
I will not let cancer define me, and I will continue to fight my ass off and live my life to the fullest. 
This life is a gift, I urge you not to waste it on trivial matters, or dwell about those who have proven they don’t deserve a place in your life. Rough realization , but a necessary one. Took me a while to grasp that one , but I have and am happier for it.