This is a hard one for me to write and I’ve been going back and forth on sharing it because sometimes transparency can cause uncomfortable feelings but I’m a believer in the power transparency can bring and that it’s important to share when things are not okay. I (we) care about Renee deeply and I have tried to be careful with what I share because this is her life, she is living it day in and day out and she can’t escape it. So, in a lot of ways, I feel it’s unfair to share things about her life using my own words. We can empathize with her and try to put ourselves in her shoes but we will never really understand what she is going through.

The reality is that although Renee is out of the hospital and in her “recovery phase”, her journey is far from over. She continues to deal with pain and weakness as well as numerous other issues like still requiring a feeding tube, trach, etc. She also had a hearing test this week which showed she has severe to profound hearing loss, likely caused by her cancer treatment. It’s another “thing” that needs to be dealt with because as you can imagine, when you can’t hear, it causes a lot of additional stress and anxiety and probably even a sense of isolation. For someone who has been dealing with one healthcare issue after another for a year and a half, it becomes too much to take.

Renee is struggling with feeling as though she has lost her independence and her livelihood. She recently decided she can no longer keep her bar, The Rusty Anchor, that she has been so passionate about keeping. This was such an emotionally difficult decision for her. She has not been able to work for well over a year and that has caused some deep and lasting financial wounds. She has lost so much since her cancer diagnosis. One thing I think people don’t talk about enough is that once treatment is over or once a person is “home”, it’s not actually over for that person. Our hope is that one day Renee will be able to actually go home to her own home, to do normal day-to-day things that we take for granted like going grocery shopping, or to kneel down as one of her precious grandchildren run up to her to give her a big hug. Yes, Renee has lost so much but she has also shown all of us what she CAN do. She has fought hard and she survived. I want her to know that with her stubborn, determined, and passionate personality that she CAN get stronger and that she CAN push herself to gain some independence back slowly over time.

She has come such a long ways and I believe, along with many others, that she is also here today because of all of the support and prayers she has been receiving throughout her journey. The outpouring of support for her and her family has carried us through some of the darkest days. Renee tends to keep how she is doing and what is happening to herself because she doesn’t like asking for help but she needs that continued support now more than ever.

As an onlooker, I have been in awe at the outpouring of support and the generosity of others. This summer a group of her friends put on a benefit and the community she lives in rallied together donating their time and talents as well as donating and raising money for her. She was there that day and she struggled to find the words to thank everyone for their support. A Go Fund Me was done and people generously donated to it. She has also received so many cards and well wishes. A few people have sent her cards with money and have even sent us money which has all went towards her bills. As a family, we want to thank each and every one of you again for your generosity and the love you have shown her. I mentioned it earlier that she hasn’t been able to work for well over a year and how this has caused deep and lasting financial wounds. Because of the enormous generosity of others, it has helped her make it up to this point. We are thankful beyond words and we will never be able to repay what has been given to her.

It is so hard to write this - the bills don’t stop just because you have cancer. The bills don’t stop when your cancer treatment nearly kills you. The bills don’t stop when you are on a vent clinging onto life. It is such a helpless and unfair feeling to be in the ICU watching a loved one struggle to even survive and when visiting hours are over and you have to leave, you go home and need to open their mail, mail you dread to open because you know what will be inside. The last thing a child should have to do when their mom is clinging to life is to have to worry about paying those bills. The tears, sacrifices, and how overwhelming it has all been has largely been kept behind closed doors because there is a sense of needing to stay strong and needing to stay positive for others. We would never have been able to make it to this point without the generosity of others, which is why it is so hard to talk about. Those funds have dwindled down and as a family, we don’t want Renee to lose any more than she has already lost. We know she doesn’t like asking for help but we have started to reach out for assistance on her behalf as she checks all of the boxes for someone who deserves assistance. There have been so many times during the last year and a half that we, as a family, have said “I wish we would have done xyz” or “We should have done this sooner” and this is another one of those times we are beating ourselves up because we wish we would have reached out for help sooner.

This is the reality and this is what people don’t talk about when there is a large health crisis that lasts as long as this has. It’s hard to share this because no one wants to be pitied. There is a stigma around asking for help and the judgement that comes along with it. Unfortunately, there will be some people who get upset about it because she has had more generosity shown to her than many people in similar situations. But, I am going to ask for help on her behalf anyway. If you know of any programs or assistance that might be able to help, please reach out privately to Adam, Renee, and/or myself. We are on a good start with talking with social security and energy assistance but maybe there are other programs out there we are missing. If you know someone who may be interested in purchasing The Rusty Anchor (located in Wheaton, MN) please reach out to Adam and/or Renee. If you would like to personally help in some way, please reach out privately to Adam and/or Renee.

I want to sincerely thank you all for the kindness and continued love you have shown Renee and her family. We would not be here without it.