My heart is filled with gratitude for all the support we have received. Thank you! We have been strengthened and lifted by your prayers and wishes.
Our snowstorms provided me, Judy, with quiet time to reflect on Ray's life. I attempted to come up with six adjectives which would describe Ray, but came up with many more.
1. Ray was FAITH-FILLED. He was an altar boy in the Catholic Church growing up in Hobbs, New Mexico. Ray seemed to just KNOW and be Christ filled. Toward the end, with the encouragement of Deacon Linda, Ray wrote a letter to God and then wrote a return letter from God. God's letter was simply, "It's time to Die." Ray's response was that God was loving and merciful. How could something that harsh be from God? Ray began to accept dying. Ray thought that his healing angel would make him physically better. I could see the healing occurring on the emotional and spiritual levels. Ray bargained with God. If I have to die, may I become an angel and watch over my grandchildren? It seemed that God said "Yes". Ray was a gentle, humble soul with integrity.
2. Ray was CREATIVE and ANALYTICAL. He seemed to just know how to do things from carving pumpkins, putting in a sprinkler line, laying hardwood floors and tile, to making cabinets. He must have gotten tired of my asking, "Can you figure out what is wrong and fix it?" Steven Cogswell said " A soft-spoken man, nothing got by his sharp, database engineer mind. Many improvements to the Usher program and patrons experiences at the Arvada Center began with Ray saying "You know, I noticed......."
3. Ray was RESPONSIBLE. He took pride in being true to his word. He wanted to take care of everything involving the family (except for cooking, cleaning & laundry). He was reliable as an employee, family man, and as a volunteer.
4. Ray was SUPPORTIVE with a good sense of humor. He supported his grandchildren by attending their sports events. He made himself available to others. He listened without advising. David remembers what a good listener his dad was during his teenage years. He was my support and foundation as well as David's and Michelle's. Ray caused me to become a better person.
5. Ray had TENACITY. He kept going and doing regardless of his health. After his open heart surgery in 2000, he was fluid overloaded when he was taken off the heart-lung machine and developed a paravalvular leak when a stitch broke loose from his mechanical heart valve. This caused his red blood cells to break down resulting in severe anemia. He was determined to walk Michelle down the aisle, putting off a second surgery until after her wedding. He received numerous blood transfusions. Recovering from the second surgery was even harder as his temporary pacemaker wire was left in place until discharge. After it was removed he bled into his thoracic cavity causing his normal aortic valve to be pressed against his mechanical mitral valve. This resulted in aortic insufficiency. In 2004, Ray developed septicemia following a nosebleed and his mechanical mitral valve and damaged aortic valve were both replaced. Ray never gave up. He developed many of the conditions that can occur with mechanical heart valves---- numerous bleeds, pulmonary hypertension, portal hypertension with cirrhosis of the liver, AVMs in his colon, MDS anemia, and renal failure. He continued to plan trips, volunteer, go geocaching, fishing and play bridge. Surgery for his fractured hip compromised his organs. Rather than giving up, he called upon his healing angel and improved for two weeks at home after a lengthy hospitalization without improvement. Difficulty breathing put him back in the hospital. Again the physicians were stymied as there was no treatment available other than organ transplants which he could not have tolerated. He still was not ready to give up. December 23, he saw his primary care Doctor who told him that he belonged in the hospital based on worsening kidney function and fluid in his lungs. Ray declined as it was almost Christmas and his birthday 12/27. He made the choice to start hospice care after Christmas.
6. Ray was SELF-RELIANT and STUBBORN. He wanted to manage everything that affected him. He managed the finances. He did the driving. Four days before he died, he lifted his walker up the step from the family room to go to the bathroom. He played bridge a week before he died. He never wanted help. Even in the end, at 9:45pm, the Hospice nurse said, "Go home and sleep. He won't die tonight". Two and 1/2 hours later, Ray was dead. As he lived his life, he "did it his way" even in the end (with some help from God). Ray, we salute you for a life well lived.
