I keep getting asked what I’m doing for my 40th birthday, which is strange because this 1984 baby is only turning 32 right???  A couple of weeks ago Arick and I were throwing around celebration ideas for March 17th, the big 4-0.  A trip? A bash?  Quietly I confessed that all I really wanted was for my reconstruction surgery date to be moved up.  I was scheduled for the next phase to be completed on April 2nd and I had been lamenting turning 40 with only half of my rearrangement completed.  At the double mastectomy in November, the doctors put in expanders.  I have used endearing words like bricks, alien parts, and Tupperware to describe the look and feel of this in between stage.  Shortly after not deciding how we would celebrate; I got a call that my plastic surgeon could move my surgery up to March 5th…would I like the surgery date.  Yes please!  🥳 I felt so seen by God on a small matter, but a meaningful one.  On Tuesday, I am getting the 40th birthday gift of my dreams (wow-who knew I would be wanting this a year ago), the next phase of reconstruction, an upgrade!

My reconstruction pre-op appointment proceeded my three-month check-in with my breast surgeon.  That morning I was elated that I was knocking off another task on the “beat breast cancer” list.  Apparently, there was more on that list than I knew.  I keep thinking I get to wipe the dust off and be done with cancer, but my doctor felt a new lump, ordered imaging, and we braced ourselves for what the next steps would be.  The facts told me it was probably nothing, but “probably nothing” doesn’t mean the same thing to me as it used to.  I had to wait four days to get the ultrasound done.  That was four days spent praying.  But I wasn’t just praying for no cancer (of course, I was praying that as well).  Now I was praying for God to guide me on this new health journey.  Someone consoled, “You just don’t have faith in your body anymore.”  And that is so true and so profound.  I have long been thankful for my health, and I have trusted it.  I have trusted not marking nearly any box on a medical history form.  I have trusted my body to fight colds and flus.  It is time for me to take what I once trusted in my body and transfer it to God.  Psalm 73:26 is where I am taking this reality check, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever.”  The imaging came back clear, not even a biopsy was needed.  The truth is lumps and imaging, and vigilant doctors are now a part of my life, but my ultimate certainty is God is the strength of my heart for my milestones, upgrades, and reality checks.

Christ will have His glory.

-Rachel