I don't know that anyone is still reading these posts...
Well they haven't been written on here much. 😏 
It almost seems like I need a good-bye post to wrap things up.

But the Truth of the matter is that even though tomorrow is finally October 1st -- for September has felt like the longest month ever with the Fall Grind -- I now understand that pining for the "End" of this Grief Journey is wistful and non-existent. 

There will be no clean-cut final Good-bye to all of this tragedy and loss.
There can only be a gradual healing and hanging onto the Hope of Jesus' promise that we shall see Mike again one day in Heaven.

I still miss Mike.
More than ever.
Even as I pound through task after task and face new challenges,
The burden of missing him doesn't seem to ever fully lift.

My Mike left such a huge gaping hole - just as Chris McGuffey alluded to in his eulogy.
As time passes, I am traversing this wide space of loss -- and I actually feel the loss of Mike's absence *more* acutely.

I'm not sure what tomorrow holds, but I've learned that God's exhortation for us to not worry about tomorrow -- for tomorrow holds enough trouble of its own -- is more true than ever. If I ask for mercy and grace for TODAY, for the next minutes -- I can get through it -- and God's strength is always enough.

It's amazing really.

But if I look too far into the future, and only rehearse sorrow upon sorrow, I'm swept away in pain and fear and unbelief.

I'm so proud of our family of four. Especially my dear three children.

We are grieving --
And we must keep grieving --
And I'm proud of us for doing so.

Else, the infections of bitterness and despair and ingratitude will destroy us.

I still get an occasional card in the mail that makes me smile.
I have plans to look back at your old cards when I catch my breath and I know I will smile and cry then once more.
I wish I was my old thank-you-note-writing self for I'm filled with gratitude I can't seem to fully express, except in general spaces like this and not in the detailed ways I prefer.

But to all of you Givers of love and prayers and gifts: Please know that even if I don't fully comprehend your love here on earth, I know God sees your kindness. And all of the love IS building our family back up in the most beautiful type of way.

Til Next Time,
With Love,
Jenny and Kids