You may be surprised that I've posted another journal update after such a long period of silence since my last entry on 10/8/15. But, I felt compelled to share a very touching story. It's one of many that Lisa and I keep close to our heart. In previous posts I've often talked about trying to focus on blessings to maintain a joyful and grateful attitude in the midst of confronting suffering and loss. So many times, when my despair weighs me down, I turn to God in simple prayer and ask Him for a hug. Though truthfully, more times than not, it is God who reaches out to me and initiates the hugs without me ever asking. I believe He does this because He sees our struggles, feels our pain, and deeply desires to comfort us. Since my accident and through the tragic event of my son's sudden and unexplainable suicide, I've kept an ongoing list of occurrences I've entitled "Hugs from God". I review this list often as a kind of scrapbook of the invisible hand of God accompanying us through this difficult journey.

The following story is more of a "group hug" story. It originated with Lynn Abrams, a very dear friend of ours who was very close to Mark. Years ago when Mark was beginning high school, Lynn approached Mark about helping her do various outdoor-garden tasks on her small farm. From that moment on, Mark and the Abrams developed a very special and deep bond and he looked forward to spending time working at her little farm. It was Lynn who suggested Mark for his job as a program coordinator at our county juvenile detention center. 

Like so many of us, Lynn's grief over the sudden loss of Mark was terribly immense. The morning of the day Mark made that horrible decision, it was Lynn who saw Mark kneeling in prayer with one of the incarcerated youths. Why Mark made that awful choice will remain a mystery on this side of life.

This past May was the one year anniversary of Mark's death. As those days approached it was difficult to not experience and relive the anguish of heart all over again. We received numerous cards, notes, and calls of thoughtful comfort to let us know we were being showered with prayers.

In the midst of this period, Lynn called us to tell us she needed to share with us an amazing story. A story I've added to my Hugs from God list. After she retold her story, I asked her if she would write down what happened so I could post it here on Caringbridge. She graciously did so, and it follows:

"The grief of the anniversary of Mark's death was overwhelming.

Unable to finish or process a garden we were working on,

   was well, I was just frozen...couldn't do it.

The day he died he was to be on my farm finishing the garden.

    His blank check was on the counter, his tools were still in the garden from the Sunday before. All the memories, the pain, the questions, the love and friendship we shared,

     all mixed together into frozen.

I felt I couldn't go on without him, I couldn't go into the garden let alone finish it.

Self-talk didn't work, rationalization didn't work.

   Drowning into self-pity and grief.

That Friday night I sat on the deck and prayed.

 I talked to God, I talked to Mark. I prayed and cried. I drank a beer.

       Then a dawning.

       Jesus cried and prayed and felt despair in the garden. 

       He talked to God, His father. Maybe I could take Him with me.

  I went and got my tools.

    I stepped into the garden.

      I still felt the despair, still felt frozen.

  I started to hoe the weeds. I hoed and hoed. My hoe hit something. 

I walked over under a large hosta plant and stepped on something.

     I bet Mark left another tool here that wasn't picked up,I thought.

     Bending down, half buried in the earth was…..a pair of angel wings.

Sudden relief, love, understanding came over me.

   I got on my knees and laughing thanked God for giving me back to myself, for showing me that the grief was mine to release.

  Mark was fine.

    In God's care now. Confirmation of God's grace, love, and understanding.

A miracle?

 All I know is that I am no longer frozen."

The picture attached to this post is the set of stone angel wings Lynn found. She had never seen them before and has no idea where they came from.

It'd be very easy to assume the way this story unfolded is mere randomness and that any profound meaning is simply wishful thinking. Yet, I feel confident this was a hug from God to let us feel His consolation, and, as Lynn says, help us release our grief.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. We are especially grateful to Lynn for capturing in writing this beautiful hug.

God bless and hugs to all,

Pete