Ahhh how do I start today... I feel like the right words escape me, but I do want to keep you all updated to the service for Paul to come. I am a practical person so I will begin with letting you know that Paul's celebration of life service will be Monday, July 29th at 11am at Golden Hills Community Church in Brentwood. We only have the date chosen so far and will be working on the plans in the days to come, but that is when it will be. We want to invite anyone who might like to attend; our church is very large and you are very welcome to come celebrate the amazing life of my dear husband.
I just returned from dropping Adam off at the airport to return to El Paso. He is stoic and is managing. He is a young man of few words, so it's very hard to gauge how he feels and what he is thinking, but it was good to have him home.
Paul's burial service was yesterday. It was so very hard. We chose to do a private burial because we wanted to keep it more intimate so that we could grieve in the way we needed to. Dan was so gracious, thoughtful, generous and intentional in the support he offered to us in handling the burial service. He made sure all went smoothly, respectfully and honorably. Paul was indeed honored,and while it was painfully difficult, it was also beautiful. Paul would have loved it I am certain. How blessed we are to have Dan as our friend. He has acted so kindly to shepherd our family through this difficult and sad time. We are surrounded by kindness and support; we are so grateful. Pastor Johnie did just the right message, just perfect. How blessed we are to have so many wise, loving and thoughtful people by our side. God is good and never leaves nor forsakes us; I know this to be true.
Austin has been doing a few devotionals at the house with whomever has been around and wanting to participate. It is food for the soul and good to keep reminding ourselves of the hope we have in God. I am especially focusing on Lamentations 3. It has some very desperate verses in it, but then it transitions to the good, "...and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this (see there's that YET word I love) I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'" Lamentations 3: 20-24. We know the truth about God and His character and His goodness; He is good, He does good and He does good to me. As the days pass and as I talk to more people about their discussions about Paul it brings me more peace. I found out that just 8 hours before Paul passed our dear friend assured him he would look after me and the kids. How good that must have been for Paul to hear that; for that I am so grateful. I'm pretty sure others have spoken this to Paul as well. While losing him is so painful, I know without a doubt he is in heaven resting with God in perfect joy and peace. I know he is assured in his heart that the kids and I will be there before not too long, in heaven's sense of time. So he is happy and free from pain, all of that is so good. It's just that we miss him so terribly. I miss everything about him. He had the biggest heart of anyone I know. And that heart was directed with great enthusiasm and passion toward me, toward the kids. What a blessing to be loved that much. What a blessing to have had that love; I am grateful.... What a blessing to be able to have had such a great husband and dad that he is missed with such depth because he was such an amazing person. So the kids and I move forward in the tension of our hearts being so fragile in their hurt and brokenness but also being glad he is free and happy and at peace. Will you please pray for healing for our hurting hearts? Oh how we miss this man. Some days the waves of sadness flow over me and it feels like I can't endure it any longer, but we do the day and just take deep breaths and know in our hearts it will subside and eventually get easier. Thank you for your unending love and support. We love you as well, Debbie