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Apr 28-May 04

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I know it's been a while, and this is a slightly longer entry, but there's a lot of good news...

I went in this week for a checkup (blood-work) and to follow up on my latest CT scan. Everything still looks great! In fact I'm attaching a picture of my new liver (the one on the left is the latest scan). I feel like I'm showing y'all a picture of my new baby- currently taking name requests btw. This guy's almost grown back 100%! And no signs of cancer ANYWHERE in my body. 

The blood-work indicated all is healthy as well. My oncologist said he'd like for me to continue oral chemotherapy for 3 more months (week on/week off), and then take another scan. Once that scan shows more good news I'll be off of all treatments, get this port removed, and be set free!

In the meantime, and the best news of all, is that God has continued to heal me- to the very core of my being. I'm going to get a little heavy for a second, but I believe I now know the root cause of this cancer. I hesitate to share this, but how am I going to hold back my testimony? There were wounds from my past that were so deep and unregistered on my spiritual radar. Wounds that would manifest themselves in ways that I've felt unworthy to be loved. I was overcompensating in pretty much every way with efforts to serve and love others when I was the one who needed help. I've been walking with God for many years, and I know God's used me in the past, but I've been operating with a crippled heart. 

                                                -GOD IS SETTING ME FREE-

And each day Christ' redeeming love is healing me more and more. It's like my soul has just come up from being trapped underwater and I'm breathing in love. I've been trying to do what only Christ can do. And I've been trying to give and not allow myself to receive the gifts that God's been waiting to give to me. I'm sharing this...

1. To simply celebrate what God's doing in my life.
2. To say, "It's ok to admit you need healing." That's the only way you're going to get better.

It's like everything... you just have die if you want to know life. That's how God uses suffering. When you are suffering you realize you're not in control. When you're not in control, you can either overcompensate in some unhealthy way or just give up and surrender. Most of us just fight it and live in misery. And I'm a good fighter! It took more than last fall when I found out the cancer had returned. It took more than the surgery. It took more than a pandemic. He has been steady chiseling away- and He's at the center now.

Talk about surgery.

Talk about pain.

Talk about the relief of extraction.

Talk about freedom and now abundance life and joy like a little kid has. Yeah, this is kind of like when someone gets saved. I know.

I know you've been loving me and cheering me on this whole time. I can finally receive that love.
Things will never be the same. I'm alive and have no fear of this cancer ever returning. I love y'all so much. Thank you for sticking with me. I hate to end with a bumper sticker quote, but when it's true it's true- the best is yet to come. 

With everything I got!,

Paul



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