Well I know it sure has been a while, but I needed some time to see how things were going to go before I was ready to do a big update. 

Lots of things have been happening both in my cancer world and my "normal" life. Sometimes they are one in the same and other times I feel like I live two different lives. It may sound quite strange but it really does feel that way. This happens because some days I feel cancer encroaching from all sides and other days, I don't allow those feelings to overtake my thoughts. I should probably clarify that some days I just give it to Jesus and He takes it. 

So my last chemo at the end of August was quite interesting. I had decided that I was not going to allow chemo to hit me this time. I didn't have time for this. My daughter and son-in-law purchased a condominium that was basically gutted and I had a remodeling job to get done so they could move in and get settled by the time I was having surgery on October 12. I also had it in my head that doing a remodel was gonna help me get my strength back. Well, let's just say, we got it done but pushing myself like that had its pros and cons. I learned that you can't push yourself when chemo fatigue hits. It doesn't work, it is impossible to force a body to move when it just can't. I also learned that I could rest in a camp chair and put my feet up on my tools when I got tired. I'm also getting old. Chemo and cancer aside, my knees do not like to do flooring anymore! Two weeks before surgery I managed to tear the meniscus in my left knee. I couldn't even start therapy because I wouldn't be able to continue until I was healed from the cancer surgery. We finished the condo, it's absolutely beautiful. One week before surgery. 

Meeting with the surgeon and oncologist in the weeks before surgery changed some things for me. I had decided from the beginning that I was going to have a double mastectomy. This cancer is quite aggressive and I just wasn't going to take a chance. However, the chemo and the targeted drugs had shrunk the tumor enough that the oncologist said I could go with lumpectomy. Considering how much of my time and life I lost over the summer and knowing the recovery of the major surgery, I decided that maybe that really made more sense. I was hopeful and excited to be able to get back to normal life much faster. That was until my next mammogram and ultrasound. The radiologist came and explained to me that I had numerous calcifications throughout my breast that may already be cancer or can turn into cancer. They are too small to tell for sure but that she would not recommend leaving them. She wanted to discuss this with my surgeon and I agreed that I would wait for his call. i didn't know it at the time, but my team was reviewing all of the scans from now and several years back to be sure we were making the right decision about my surgery. That phone call was difficult. I learned that I had cancer for an entire year before I was diagnosed. I didn't know what to say, how to feel, what to do. I was shocked. I was kind of more shocked than when I was told I had cancer. It seems that the "cyst" that had shown up on my mammogram a year ago, was not a cyst. It was cancer. I never got angry. I prayed.  What I want you to do is listen to your body and ask for second opinions. I never thought about asking for a second opinion on what looked like a cyst, but it never hurts to have a second set of eyes. That is what I love about my team here. They are a team, they have a Tumor Board so anything that is questioned gets brought up and several docs are involved. 

My double mastectomy was October 12. I can't say that I wasn't scared because I was scared. However, it couldn't have gone better. It was a long day and some things were unexpected but the outcome was great. I had what was considered a complete pathologic response. That means there was none of the difficult more invasive cancer left in any of the tissue or lymph nodes. I did have ductal carcinoma in situ left over in one spot but from what I understand that is normal. In situ cancer means it has not spread into surrounding tissue and can be removed. So, because all breast tissue was removed and sentinel lymph nodes were clear, I am considered NED (No Evidence of Disease). WOOHOOO!!!!!! That is the best outcome. That means that for now, my cancer (at least what is detectable) is gone. The problem with HER2 positive cancer is that it is sneaky so one little cell can travel and start somewhere else and it's not detectable until it's large enough to cause issues or show up on a scan. This is why the treatment goes on for 6 more months. No chemo but the targeted drugs help to continue to kill any other HER2 positive cells that may have escaped. 

That leads me to today. I'm over half way through treatment. I'm starting to get some energy back. I'm starting to somewhat feel a little more like myself....other than not having breasts. LOL It's a little weird to get used to, but ok. I'm 2 months past surgery. I still don't have many nerve endings waking up so there is not much feeling in my chest or arm pits. Putting deodorant on is interesting. Overall, I really can't say it was bad. Just different. 

Today I learned that all my blood work is back to normal. I'm not 100 percent out of the woods. It will be years before that happens. However, as I sit here getting my next infusion, I can breath just a little easier. I can say thank you Jesus for helping me get through this and for giving us medicine and doctors.