One year. In some ways, it has felt like the longest year of my life. In other ways (and simultaneously) it's gone by in a blink. Grief is like that, I think. It's a big mashup of so many conflicting feelings all at once...and yet here we are.

Often when we think of death and dying, we imagine people who are leaving this life getting to watch their own life experiences back again like a technicolor movie...but in my recent experience, I'm realizing that something similar happens to the loved ones that are left here on earth too. At least, that's what it's been like for me. I've spent this last year reliving my time with my mom through my memories of her. Some of those memories have come to mind for the very first time in years or in some cases, even the first time ever since they happened in the first place. I've also listened to old voicemails over and over again and watched endless home videos from my childhood through the blur of my own tears. Grief is hard. The first year of grief is the hardest of all.

As we prepare to find ourselves on the other side of this (terrible) first year, one thing in particular really stands out now that wasn't necessarily clear to us until this stage of the grieving process: We are going to be okay. We are actually managing to make it through this. That doesn't mean it's smooth sailing from here on out, because I don't think there's ever any "smoothness" to grief, and I don't think grief ever really lessens or goes away either. What I mean is that there were times this year that my family and I feared our grief may consume us. There were times when we thought it might be the thing that could truly break us...and it didn't. Though we will never be the same without her, she is now a part of our hearts and we are carrying her forward with us, always.

There is so much more to say it seems, but instead, I will simply leave you all with this: To mark the one year anniversary of losing our mom (which by the Hebrew calendar, will occur next week), our family will be hosting an "unveiling" service by her graveside next week on Thursday, September 9th. We know that due to Covid, a lot of people who would have otherwise wanted to be at her funeral last year were unable to attend in person. This is the opportunity for all who loved her to come and say a final goodbye together one last time. Feel free to bring a memory of mom to share with the group, as there will be time set aside for all of us to share those aloud. If you're unable to make it in person but would like to have someone read your memory aloud for you please feel free to email it to me and I will make sure that we do. For further details on the location and the timing of the event, please call, email or text one of us and we will send those details to you. My email address is below.

To all of you who helped to carry us through this last year, we thank you.

All our love,
Leah & family
LeahBaker9@gmail.com