Chemo week 8

I’ve tried to formulate the words to describe today for the past several hours but I don’t even know where to begin ......It seems something in my sweet boy snapped today. My heart hurts learning how this beast has stolen his light. The weight of it all has gotten to him. In a moment of exhaustion, Parker gave us some insight to how he has lost interest/pleasure in doing things and he doesn’t believe there will be a time when things are better. It’s becoming harder to get him in the car to go to chemo and he is trying to refuse treatments when we get there. He’s slowly withdrawing from the world. He misses his old life and being a “normal kid” who can run, play, socialize, etc. Multiple members of his care team are concerned for his mental health, so much so that they feel strongly about a need for medication in addition to the other supportive measures in place. I’m told this is pretty common for kids going through treatment and with Covid restrictions, this whole thing is even harder on kids. He seems to find joy in interacting with his teachers, classmates (thankful for technology) and friends still so I’m hopeful with the medication and our efforts to avoid him isolating himself we can get in a better place.

Thankful for a great school and amazing teachers and administration as they’ve allowed so much flexibility while attempting to provide some normalcy of school work. They have relayed lots of cards and notes and messages from other students too which always seems to perk him up.

Physically I see him getting weaker as he struggles with food as well as with the weather getting colder, I can’t convince him to get out of the house for any extra movement. I thought he was in a good place this past Saturday and Sunday with pretty much no nausea, he was alert and enjoying himself and eatting a couple bites of things every few hours but things have gone down hill since. He is hungry but nothing tastes right to him so he won’t eat. I’ve begged, I’ve tried to reason with him, I’ve bribed and I’ve made a billion things but I’m lucky if he takes a bite or two. He doesn’t know what sounds good either otherwise I’d drive to the ends of the earth to make it happen.

Next week he has his first set of new scans since starting chemo. I hope so much that this chemo is shrinking his cancer. We need some good news to grasp to so we can keep his fight strong.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. We can use every bit of positivity and hope we can get!! #parkerstrong