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May 12-18

This Week

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Ella & Nora we’re called home around 2:45 am on Tuesday morning (4/10). Those little girls fought hard, so hard! Around 8:30pm on Sunday night Nora stopped breathing. Jebo and I knew there was no way that Ella’s one lung could provide for the two of them much longer. We stayed up all night watching them and holding them since we didn’t want them to be alone when they passed away. We called our parents to let them know it would be a miracle if they pulled through the night, but again their entire lives were a miracle so don’t count them out yet. At lunch time on Monday their hospice nurse came to our home and confirmed that Nora was not breathing. She couldn’t believe that she was opening her eyes and moving even though she wasn’t breathing. Ella and Nora let out the loudest cry and opened their eyes wide. After 16 hours of not taking a breath, Nora was breathing! It was the most incredible thing I’ve ever witnessed! She only breathed for a few minutes then stopped again. We loved on them and their pediatrician recommended we take them off their oxygen because she felt we were prolonging things. They had been heart failure for a week and a half, were dropping weight, their stats were getting lower, and they we had to keep them on morphine around the clock the last day or two of their lives. Jebo and I read them a bedtime story and took them outside to listen to the birds sing. The birds were so loud. It was beautiful. Around midnight Ella stopped breathing but just like sisters do, they take care of eachother. Nora started breathing again and took over for Ella. Those little girls have a bond that nobody will ever understand. A few hours later Nora let out a soft squeal, then the girls went home to be with Jesus. I was dancing them around the living room like they loved and it was very peaceful. We were able to love on them for a few more hours, then Jebo carried them out to the car when the funeral home picked them up. That was hard, handing over our babies. Thursday morning when we went to the funeral home to see them, that was harder. Thursday evening when we had their visitation, that was even harder. It just keeps getting harder. My arms ache, my heart is shattered, and (overshare) each time I saw them yesterday my breasts would fill with milk because it’s natural instinct for a mother’s body to want to feed her newborns. I don’t know how we will do today. I feel sick and I can’t get out of bed. Today would have been my due date. I wish I still had them in my womb, right under my heart where they belong. Although we knew since I was 10 weeks pregnant on September 20th that I would have to abort or carry these babies knowing they would die, it isn’t any easier. We are hurting so bad because we loved so hard. I wish I were anywhere else but burying my children today. God has carried us this far and I know he won’t leave us today, we need him because we can’t do this on our own. I’m so happy for Ella and Nora, healed and in heaven. I bet they are so happy and free! But we are so sad for ourselves. Ouch💔. Please continue to lift us up in prayer as  you prayed so hard for our girls during their journey. ❤️ We can’t wait to get to heaven to hold our girls, I will never let them go.

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40 Hearts • 24 Comments

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