I heard from my oncologist today. She says that the oncology radiologist is already very aware and informed on my case. The most important piece they need is my CT scan which is so far scheduled for next Wednesday. This will affect what they offer me. If disease is stable, they can offer gamma knife surgery. If it is progressing, they can offer whole brain radiation. I have had some tumor site pain, more numbness and tingling in my foot and some pain in my left hip. I can also feel my left axillary lymph node a bit when I close my arm. Sigh. If my current treatment is not working, then chemo may be also recommended as it helped so much last time. Tonight the specialists at UCSF have a board, round table kind of discussion, and my specific case will be up before them. I am also going to be driving less to be cautious of the brain tumors.
Please pray that God will reveal where we are at. I am going to pray that the disease has not progressed. I definitely am not excited about the prospect of more chemotherapy or radiation. I've had a personal friend do very well with gamma knife surgery, so that is how I will petition my Father. I realize at times He surprises me and honors my request, and other times He has something different in mind. It's always for my good and His glory.
Can I be honest with you? I'm sad. I'm scared. I have so little motivation to do what needs to be done. I'm grieving. I feel pretty weak and my head still races to see what I could possibly do to help things go how I want them to go. But I think that's what my Father is dealing with. He is helping me deal with disappointment, heartache, uncertainty, pain, fear, insecurity, a lack of being in control and completely overwhelmed. I have to depend on His strength moment to moment.
It's in this weakness I have, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual where God is displaying His power, so much so that I can actually boast about it. That still blows my mind. Look how weak I am! But by admitting I am weak and coming to Him relentlessly, He will give me His strength to get through this. Please continue to pray for us, dear ones. May God continue to get much glory through this trial. May He hear us and heal me. May my cancer ordeal not be wasted, but be a witness for One who is worthy!
I'm consulting Hope 4 Cancer and my naturopath as well. So let's keep praying for God to work. You KNOW He will answer that prayer! <3 I'm praying He will encourage His people and save many.
