It's 2024 and this will mark YEAR 6 of my journey. Or can I even call it a journey now? After the second surgery, last round of chemo wrapping up in 2019 and the estrogen blocker pill wrapping up in mid 2023, it's been completely smooth sailing so to speak. I'm back to me. My joints don't ache anymore, I have energy, my hair is getting soooooo long (now it's a personal challenge to find out how long I can grow it and believe me, having short hair almost my whole life makes this a challenge). My bloating is gone so even my rings need to be sized smaller again and some of my shoes are too wide. Yayyyy new shoes to buy! Shhhh, don't tell my husband. The only thing which changed for me that still shows and probably always will is my brain chemistry. I have emotions and mood reactions to things which are completely different than who I was pre-chemo. I can't change that. It's something chemo can do, and it did. I am working with a therapist to look into that part of me. I'm also working with a therapist to unpack my survivor's guilt. I've learned to accept I didn't get to choose who lives and who dies from this heinous disease. All that is left up to God. It's bigger than I am. It's just not in my control at all. I've been able to help people along the way. Give hope, advice and comfort (I hope). I'm a miracle, I don't deny it and I thank GOD every single day for keeping me on this Earth. Please never think it's lost on me how blessed (lucky too) I am. I know this. 

In 2024 I move forward. I will continue my every 3 months check-in at Moffitt for bloodwork and pelvic exams. And each time I will hope and pray for a good outcome. I have totally accepted the fact there may be one day those results won't be so good. My nurse practitioner said on my last visit "now is when we really start watching, you are in year five". The recurrence is high in year five. That rocked my foundation just a little. I got to the parking lot that day and it hit me, I've lived through year five. I'm healthy, but may not be forever. It scared me a little. I've started year six. And I will not look back or think forward on this. Again, not in my control. If there's one major thing I've learned throughout this is we are not in complete control of the outcome of our lives. There is free will though. It's a gift given at birth. We can take preventative measures, live a healthy lifestyle, think positively. Free will gives us those choices. I choose how to live my life and that prolongs it. That's the extent of my control. 

I wish you all a happy, peaceful, healthy 2024. Don't ever ever ever give up! It's not an option. 

Peace & Love to all!