Good morning! It’s been awhile again since I’ve posted anything. Things have settled into a rhythm and I’m not even sure what to say. I could say Nicole has been doing pretty well. That would be true compared to last year at this time. I could also say that she is struggling daily and that is true. We’ve come to a place with her illness that is long and discouraging. By most outward appearances she is doing well. She goes to church and smiles. Sometimes she feels well enough to help with the meal and house work but that isn’t very often right now. She is having a lot of dizziness and that’s a drain on her mood and emotions. Her body is also not regulating her temperature well and she is either shivering or sweating. Her knees are unstable and there are days when she stumbles a lot.
This time of the year with field trips and end of school activities approaching is rough. We have tried to come up with a field trip idea for her. It’s just discouraging that there isn’t anywhere to go that doesn’t include a lot of walking. She is SO TIRED of having to think about having a place to sit if she needs it. Stores are so hard! I’ve went to doing all curbside pickups for groceries or we have to use the wheel chair. Something about the florescent lighting and being upright that long, is too hard for her. She’d rather sit in the wheel chair than end up sitting or laying in the isle.
As her mother I’ll be just as honest and open as I can. I pray every day to know how to handle her illness in a way that I am not making it worse. I swing between knowing that she has to put herself out to get better and realizing her limitations. And then I start to imagine how people are viewing her situation and I imagine the thoughts they are having. There is a song that says ‘If you are small in your own eyes you won’t be troubled’. I think of that phrase all the time! It’s not about me! If I am humble and can leave it all to God it doesn’t matter what others think. My daughter needs me to help her right now. She needs an understanding mom to care for her and encourage her. We have to come to the realization daily that she is still sick. It’s a chronic illness. We can’t wait until she’s feeling 100% again before she goes out and about, but she also needs so much more rest than others her age. Surely there are other moms out there that face these same challenges. Let me know if you want to chat! ❤️ It can be a lonely battle.
I wish you all a good day today! 🤍 Please continue to pray that we can know what and how to do~ Andrea
