Well, what an insane two months it has been. It just didn't seem like the time to be updating my caring bridge, but here I am! 

So, radiation came and went. I started May 26, and ended July 29! I had 25 rounds, which is a daily thing, and although it was tough, it wasn't as bad as I expected it would be! Fortunately I have an excellent team over at Essentia, so they finagled my plan and were able to get me on a much more focused treatment plan that reduced the effect on my lungs by 20%, bringing it down to 15% affected AND reduced the impact on my heart to virtually nothing. They want their range to stay under 400, and it was in the mid to upper 300s. Don't ask me what those numbers mean! Radiation is very math-y and try as I might, it's one of the things that I struggle with. But I had a good time, the techs are awesome, and my skin responded very well to the treatment! It was pretty gnarly for awhile. It caused some of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life... maybe THE worst. Most days I couldn't wear clothing because it was so sensitive, it just felt so much better to lather up my creams and find a comfortable spot. It was UN-fucking-REAL how bad that got some days. So I finally got some pain medication, and that finally helped so I could function easier. It's true what they say: radiation gets worse before it gets better! But, at about 3 weeks out, I'm doing WAY better! My skin has healed up, and now it just looks like a mild sunburn :) 

So now I'm on the final leg of treatment. Tomorrow will mark the 5th treatment of Kadcyla, which is the immunotherapy I'm on through April 2021. I think a lot of people figured that when I finished radiation, I finished all treatment and "beat cancer" - which I haven't yet. :( I'm still on this drug for another 14 rounds, and that feels like a reallllllly long time!! So far my blood counts have been great, but I'm still nervous since it can decrease my immune function :( I'm still not sure about going back to work, and I'm looking into going back to school for an RN degree, and maybe going farther with it. But massage clients - watch out! I'll very likely be adding in some part time massaging coming this fall :) I'll ONLY be seeing regulars, so no new clients, and definitely not the case load that I was used to. So if you've found a new massage therapist, don't feel at all pressured to come back to me. I'll be glad to have a light load. :) 

There's a certain loneliness that comes with having cancer right now. I definitely feel like I'm unseen, and just kind of off to the sidelines. It's a tough time for everyone, but I wish everyone had a moment to glimpse how it feels to be young and in the high risk category. My MD called me to set up an advanced care directive in case I get COVID, and I just have to live my life significantly more cautiously than my peers... or than most people. It's frustrating to not be able to do fucking ANYTHING without being extremely cautious, social distancing, contact tracing people, masking and sanitizing. I've been missing the people I thought were my friends, and the people who I just haven't seen because of various other reasons. I guess I'm just whining a little, because it's super annoying and sad, and it's just a lonely place to be, and I want to reiterate that I guess. :) Because it fucking sucks, yo!!