For the last six weeks I've been doing physical therapy to soften the tissue that went from abdomen to breast. I love Dr Hilary at Level Up and would recommend her highly to anyone impacted by surgery or radiation recovery. She's funny and warm and so well versed on all the things. She threw in a round of cupping - a technique used to break up the scar tissue deep within. This round of PT was my homework from my surgeon who said we could only talk revisions once I'd tried to work through some post radiation inflammation. The culprit was not the October surgery trio,  but in fact the radiation rays from late 2022. It still blows my mind to think of the slow after effects and how destruction lingers in the body. 

A couple of weeks ago Dr Rose assessed my progress. He was thrilled with the physical therapy results and said that my stomach scars were some of the best healing he's seen. Gold star for my genes - at least some of them are happily working in my favor. The less exciting news is that now I have to decide whether or not revision surgery is worth it. The first one would take care of the dog ears on either side of the abdomen scar, the paddle on the left breast (a round patch of stomach tissue) and then round one of fat grafting which is in fact liposuction. I say round one, because it can take up to five rounds to get to something that resembles what once was. Fat cells (no supply issues here!) do not transfer well. They need to make friends quickly with live tissue to survive the migration, and the hope is that they get absorbed, refueled with blood and then settle in to their new abode. Five rounds means five surgeries, five anesthesias and five six week-recoveries (no exercise, no swimming but nothing like what I've already gone through). Then there is also the fact that radiated tissue sometimes just doesn't accept newcomers so it's a case of trial and error. I wish I could outsource the decision making on this one,  but I know I just need to sit with it a bit and simmer. Some days it feels like a no brainer and others the idea of going anywhere near an operating table again makes my head spin.  

On a brighter note, speaking of Newcomers did you know that's also the last name of the CaringBridge CEO? I had the joy of connecting with Tia and her leadership team at the beginning of the month. Back in February I wrote the organization somewhat of a love letter and I now find myself working on a project to help tell the CaringBridge story. The company has a bold mission that no-one go through a health journey alone, and an even bolder vision to increase the amount of caregivers on the platform tenfold in the next few years. There are 53 Million caregivers in the US and so many complex health journeys beyond cancer supported. It's a work dream come true, a road that's come full circle, and yet the transition back to the working world (but forward as a contractor - a first for me) has been a whirlwind - probably not helped by the jet lag from the London trip I made right before kick off. Back in 2023's DIEP surgery recovery I remember feeling so grateful that my parents had come to ease all the things and decided I needed some very unstructured low key time with them. This was that trip, so I spent some time fixing Nespresso machines, checking wi-fi subscriptions and generally catching up without the distraction of small children (thank you James!). It was good to be back, despite not having the time to make it more of a social trip (sorry to all my London loves).

If I haven't said it before, 2024 is the year of experiments. Back in February I found myself giddy from the Rancho experience and wondering if I could somehow recreate a piece of the magic closer to home. I wistfully shared this desire with a neighbor and friend, who roped in another friend with a house in Santa Rosa and together I found myself designing a day of joy, movement, relaxation and community for 18 women. A week ago we learnt about; building resilience and self regulation with a broadway actor turned pastor and how to channel an embodied creative experience to design a weekly wardrobe capsule. We let the healing sounds of bowls calm our nervous systems and let rip snores around the room. Designing experiences for others that have helped you is not just fun its healing too and being in community with gatherings of women may just be the ticket to better mental and physical health long term. 

Lastly, if you haven't listened to the We can do hard things two part episode on a cancer diagnosis please do. It's one of the richest discussions I've listened to on the topic and sparked so much for me in terms of more ideas to write about. Some might say it could even fuel a Substack. More unpacking on that soon. 

Xo