My apologies for the delay in getting an update.  When I opened this Caring Bridge page, I underestimated the amount of stress that this could actually cause.  Trying to come up with the perfect words to detail what has been going on as well as describing how I feel is far more difficult than I anticipated it would be.  Telling the stores and the events of the day brings up a level of anxiety that I did not think would happen either and made me feel self-centered. I have always loved writing, but I have struggled to come up with the words to say.  i sit down most nights with my hands ready to write, but then overwhelming anxiety shuts down my brain.  

I hope to write a few posts over the next few days with some stories and provide a more intimate look into our lives, the good and the bad.  Tonight I want to spend time thanking some of the people who have done more for us than we ever could have hoped over the last two months.  We celebrated Christmas with my family on New Year's due to illnesses.  While at my parents' house, my sisters, mom, and I sat in a bedroom for a couple hours discussing where my health had gone and what was going on.  This was a very difficult discussion to have with many tears shed.  These tears helped bring a better appreciation of the feelings we all have about the situation.  As we understand better now, grief shows up in very different ways for different people.  I was overwhelmed with the acceptance and love showed to me.  Megan, Dana, and my mom made me feel heard, believed, and understood.  We left my parents' house that day knowing that this was going to be a difficult process, but that we never needed to doubt that family would be there for us.  That day also set the tone for how I needed to approach others as I discussed the situation with them.  People process grief on their own timeline, not mine.  

In late December, I had a short three day stay at the hospice facility.  The staff wanted me to be under closer supervision so that my medications could be adjusted more efficiently.  After this stay, I was contacted by Tina Derek asking if I would be up for a visit when she came to Kansas City in early January.  From Tina's beautiful ways of bringing everything together, she showed up with a small army.  Emily Hermesch, Leah Heinen, and Michelle Heinen came with Tina as gifts from God.  They packed up our house after Christmas, cleaned and organized so much of our house, and helped in more ways than can be explained.  Real discussions about difficult topics helped me come to grips with the situation in ways I didn't know I needed.  They helped create a schedule of people to stay with me so that Brandon could go back to work.  I cannot put into words how much this means to me.

Sarah Kiehl and Delaney Swanson also came in and provided invaluable help with the medical situation.  They made everything manageable with the difficult medication regimens and would constantly remind me of my strength and my ability to handle what was happening.  Jeff Freeland and his family also provided essential support, staying with me several days when Brandon had to be at work.  The amazing women of the Common Hearts group at Woods Chapel UMC helped me in the darker moments as I have struggled with understanding what was happening to me.  

The support of our families has been heart warming.  All of the aunts, uncles, cousins, and more have been an amazing reminder of the love of our families. My siblings and parents have gone above and beyond to help even as they remain busy with their own lives.  Brandon's parents have been there for anything we need.  Brandon's sister Sarah sent us an amazing dinner with our favorite BBQ from Jack Stack.  Hadley had a blast at ComiCon with her uncles Kyle and Evan and has been grateful for time with her cousins at Brandon's brother's house.