Last week might have been one of the most emotional weeks of my life... I had my scan/check up.. those visits are never easy.. unless you’ve been through it, it’s very hard to describe the level of anxiety (scanxiety) that comes along with them..I remember driving there, listening to music, talking with my husband, trying to keep my mind off of where we were headed.. We hadn’t been back to Duke in nearly 8 months, but it all hits you like a tidal wave when you walk in.. the sights, the smells... I want to associate that place with good things, but man it’s hard!!

I checked in for my first scan, it was a mammogram... as I sat in the waiting room, anxious, nervous, praying for peace and comfort, my phone rang.. I looked down to see Jason Owens name.. Jason’s wife, Ginger was one of my favorite people and one of my biggest prayer warriors!! Always letting me know she was thinking of me and praying for me.. All the while well she was fighting her own battle!! Gingers health took a turn for the worst a few weeks ago, definitely not from lack of fight... it was hard to except and I never stopped praying for a miracle.. Ginger knew I had this appointment coming up, we’d talked about it the last time I saw her, she told me not to worry, everything was going to be ok.. Jason was calling to tell me the same.. I could tell things weren’t good on his end, that what he was going through at home was seriously indescribable!! But he still took the the time, to think of me, to pray for me, to call me and tell me everything was going to be ok!!

I rocked that mammogram!! Next up was an MRI.. for those of you who haven’t had one before... You’re fully inserted into a small dark tube, it’s cold and it’s loud and it takes about 30 mins!! Jason had been keeping me up to date all day on Ginger.. but the last message I got from him before I was slide into the MRI machine was.. “she’s struggling, Her 02 is low and she’s barely hanging on. I’m just watching her suffer”. So there I was by myself, in this small, dark, cold tube, with my thoughts... the XM was broken that day, so music wasn’t an option... so I prayed, and I prayed... I loved Ginger... I loved God... I don’t know why these things happen, none of us do.. as much as I wanted to selfishly keep her here on earth with us, I didn’t want her or her family to suffer any more either.. that is the first time in my life that I’ve ever prayed to God to take her home, to please heal her, make her whole again, for her to be happy, healthy and cancer free!! That was the longest, grueling 30 minutes of my life!! When my MRI was finished and all my results came back and they were all indeed NED (no evidence of disease) no cancer, Jason was the first person I texted with the news!! We both thanked the good Lord!! ....A short while later Ginger passed... a part of me is always going to believe Ginger held on just long enough to hear my good news... I find peace knowing she truly is in a better place and that she loved the Lord more then anyone I’ve ever met, so I know we will see her again... But even knowing all that, it still hurts tremendously..