It’s been a while since I have posted and I must admit that I have missed this outlet. Physically, I have been good. I am excited about my last chemo drip today! I can finally check this portion off of my journey! I can remember when I was waiting on chemo to be scheduled and get going. I was anxious to get started and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening as fast as I wanted it to. I soon learned that God needed me to practice patience and wait on him. That was a good lesson for me and I’ve tried to carry that with me as I’ve pushed on to become cancer free.

This journey isn’t easy yet aside from some not-so-great side effects, I have been able to manage everything well. I’ve done research, I’ve heard others stories, and I have remained positive throughout it all (for the most part). The past week or so, I must admit that I have struggled mentally.
I’ve been feeling worried, anxious, nervous, scared, fearful, doubtful and quite a few other emotions all balled into the pit of my stomach and filling my thoughts. I couldn’t shake it and hated how I was feeling. I felt horrible because not only did I hear God’s words that everything was going to be fine, he has shown it to me! Yet here I was feeling doubt!?! How and why did my faith shift? What had I done to get into this headspace? My only thoughts are the devil is busy! Full of trickery, lies, and deceit. He means me no good will! The more I read or heard other people’s stories about their journey, experience, side effects etc...the more anxious I became. Not knowing what’s ahead. Absorbing their paths into what mine is and will be. It just all became too much for me and extremely overwhelming.

During my talks with God, I simply asked him to give me peace. I had to let go of the unknown, the journey ahead, the feeling of not being in control of what’s in store for me, and taking in everyone’s journey as if it were my own! It’s ok to receive advice, to do research, and to understand how things may be, however it must stay there. In that box and not seep out into something not helpful to me. 

My support system is so amazing and I’m so thankful for all of them. As I talked through my feelings, they reminded me that I’m human (lol) and that my journey is mine! That I’m not a failure or letting God down. I NEEDED to hear this! I centered myself and decided I couldn’t and wouldn’t stay in that space. I needed to see things clearly again. I was reminded to go back and read my past journal entries and WOW!!! Did it make me see things clearly! As if I was standing once again at the lakes edge on that foggy day in December. God’s words were so clear! “Michelle, EVERYTHING is going to be fine! You are my child and I will never leave you! You are covered!” Covered. Covered. Covered. It hit my like a freight train racing down the tracks out of control. God had literally and figuratively COVERED me through my journey with cancer! 

My friend Auretta, blessed me with a prayer cloth that covers me. She said God told her I needed it! I place this cloth on my port, my hands, my head. I use it OFTEN! 

My Aunt CR said in her prayers, God told her to send me a heated blanket to keep me warm! That blanket covers me when my side effects of feeling so cold it’s like I’m swimming in the freezing waters of Lake Michigan on January 1st. It covers me! 

God placed on my Aunt Lucy’s heart to make me a blanket with my favorite colors (red/pink) so I would feel warm and loved.  This blanket covers me and makes me feel good. 

My mom landed last night, the day before my last chemo drip with a gift from my Aunt Julie. She made me a prayer shawl that I have with me today. This shawl covers me! 

How amazing is his love for me! He has been covering me and he has never left me. Surrender it all to him is what he told me in December and all will be well! This is what I need to remind myself of. 4 chemo treatments, 4 blessed coverings I received! Come On God?!?! Is that not the most incredible thing! Whew! He is just so good! Thinking about it gives me goosebumps! The signs he has shown me throughout this journey has been nothing short of amazing! 

I encourage you to look what God has done and is doing in your life! See the blessings and love that he has for you! Even through the pain, the struggles, the fear of the unknown, he is there! Lean into him and allow him to work through you. There is no better feeling than knowing that you are covered from the top of your head to the soles of your feet with his blood. Hallelujah 🙌🏾♥️ Whew!!!! He loves me and he loves you too! 

I thank you for your continued prayers and as you pray for me, I pray for you. We are all in this together! I thank God for this village he had placed around me! It is truly amazing! I thank him for allowing me to lean into that support system and know that I am not doing this solo. 

Radiation is next up and whatever that looks like for me, it will be. My sister told me I can do ANYTHING for a year, so 6 weeks will be a breeze! Another friend reminded me that I had 3 children naturally, so I can definitely get through this radiation! 😂💪🏾 The light is getting a bit brighter as everyday I’m getting closer to the finish line. 

WE GOT THIS 🙌🏾♥️💪🏾