well, yesterday was the my LAST CHEMO!!!!  woo woo!   so it's been a long journey - 16 weeks.  as if going through chemo isn't surreal enough, doing it during a time of quarantine makes it even more surreal.   many of you have asked me about the experience of going to the hospital during COVID.  University of Chicago has separate buildings and separate entrances for COVID and other issues.  so going to the hospital has felt very space.  and i've joked that going to the infusion clinic is the safest place to be cuz everyone has cancer not COVID (gotta laugh about this situation or i'd go crazy).  frankly the hardest part of the whole chemo experience has been the cold caps.  but it was worth it.  i have ended this with hair.  not a ton of hair and a lot of grey roots but it is there.  so not looking like a cancer patient has been really good psychologically.  and i've lost some eyebrows and eyelashes (Latisse starts today!) but makeup really helps.  i did buy false eyelashes but of course i can't figure out how to actually put them on:)  and since i'm not going anywhere i'm not too worried.   the other side effects have all been expected - extreme fatigue, chemo brain (!!), some neuopathy (fingers and toes), and some i didnt expect - my eyesight has gotten a bit worse, and my hearing seems to have gotten worse.  and as joe say, his listening isn't very good so we're a good team.  lol.   and i'm sure there are others but i cant think of them now (see, chemo brain has set in!).
the other thing that happened yesterday was pepper, my beloved dog, passed away.    we got home from the hospital and i was resting on the couch (sleeping) and pepper started getting really agitated, started craning neck and seemed really upset.  so of course we jumped up and drove (joe) to the vet.   they waited for us because it was close 6pm.  i wont go into all the details but xrays showed a large mass in his abdomen, in his lungs and i think his throat.  he has difficulty breathing and oxygen levels were very low.  the doctor said he wouldn't make it through the night.  so we made the humane yet diffucult decision to put him to sleep.  the vet office has a bereavement room where joe and i were allowed in.  i sat on the pillow and held pepper on my lap, his head was resting in my palm and he just went to sleep.  and i sobbed.   but it was so peaceful and lovely.  and i have to say i was so grateful that i was able to do this for pepper.  he didn't suffer at all.  
ellen and laurie both told me that they thought pepper knew what i was going through and he hung on until i was finished with chemo.  this is so sweet and i believe it.  he was my first baby - we adopted him from a pet shelter when i was pregnant with shira.  and he was so connected to me and so protective over shira.  when i was nursing shira (every 3 hours!!) and of joe slept through the monitor, if i didnt jump up immediately, pepper would nudge me awake and make sure i got up to feed shira.  he would then accompany my downstairs and sit at my feet while i nursed her.  that is just one pepper story.  he was a very special dog.
so, the circle of life - all in one day.
i am so grateful to all of you reading this and for all of your phone calls, texts, emails (which as you know i dont always answer) but they all mean a lot!!

so next steps... i have 3 weeks "off".  haha.  going nowhere.   and then i start radiation on may 26.  i'm doing a new protocol - which is more radiation on less days (18 days).  so most likely more fatigue but i'll get through it.  and then lots of follow up - with oncologist, plastic surgeon, etc.  of course all of this treatment leads to other issues.  will i need corrective plastic surgery?  we will know in 4-6 months after radiation.  i will go onto a 5 year endocrine therapy (a daily pill), bone density issues, etc.

but again, and i cant say it enough, i am so grateful.  i found the lump, treated right away and aggressively and my oncologist put me in the curative category.  so i can put up with everything and anything for that diagnosis!!

love you all.
michele