I had so many grand plans for this Caring Bridge - I was going to give updates every step of the way; through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I wanted to share my story as it was happening, but that just didn't happen. 

There are days everything feels normal and I nearly forget about the big C (until I forget that I am bald, see myself in the mirror, and jump scare myself). Some days I feel like I'm floating outside myself, watching everything from the outside because this just can't be happening to me. There are days the symptoms take over - a couple days I have spent in the hospital for those symptoms. So far I haven't had too many instances of despair, and I am so thankful for that. 

There has been so much that has happened over the course of this journey thus far. Since I have done such a poor job with updating along the way, I think maybe a list would be least overwhelming:

• I have been in the hospital three times for neutropenic fever (a new term for me as well - it means I had some white blood cells that were dangerously low)
• I shaved my head with a whole head shaving party and photo shoot. I plan to add pictures at some point.
• I developed anemia and had two blood transfusions
• I have faced side effects both expected and unexpected (did you know that a side effects of chemo can be pretty intense acid reflux? I didn't)
• I have been showered with love and support from friends, family, and people I haven't seen or talked to in years. That's been pretty special.
• My nails are in pretty bad shape - another unexpected side effect.
• I got to ride in an ambulance for the first time! (Technically a transport vehicle, but still exciting)
  
• Drinks have been incredibly hit and miss since chemo started. Due to reflux, there have been times anything carbonated is too 'spicy' and the taste of any liquid is very inconsistent from one moment to the next.
• Food, also, has been challenging. Things definitely taste different (and feel different?!) at times. The trickiest thing is that it can change literally in the course of a meal, and not everything that SOUNDS like it's going to be good actually IS. Then there's the nausea and unexpected ejecting of said food....but that's TMI for another time.
• Did you know that you're radioactive for a couple days after chemo? 
• I would say most notably, I finished chemo and rang the bell!! 

I am still working through the side effects of my last chemo, which was January 11. I'd say I'm nearly out of the worst of it. I will say I am SO grateful that my course of treatment included only six rounds of chemo. It definitely started to catch up with me around cycle 4, with each cycle growing more taxing on my body. Right now I'm regaining my appetite and the ability to keep food down day by day. 

With the conclusion of chemo comes the next step of my recovery: surgery. I met with my surgeon next week to begin nailing down the particulars of my surgery and I will be meeting with a plastic surgeon in a couple weeks to discuss reconstruction. I'm anticipating a mastectomy (only one side, not double), probably mid-February - early March. From there, we'll move into radiation, which sounds like it will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. 

I'm not going to lie, my anxiety is growing as the talks of surgery grow. It was an abstract concept at first, but now it seems so real and daunting. As surgery approaches, if you would like to schedule time to visit through recovery, please do! Mastectomy recovery sounds like it will take about 6 weeks, and I'm sure some visitors and/or letters of encouragement will be helpful! 

I would like to once again thank all who have reached out and supported in any way, as it has truly meant so much. Even if I have failed to personally thank you (sorry, I struggle with communication sometimes), I have held the gestures close. Also, it feels weird to ask, but if you would like to support monetarily, medical bills are definitely starting to add up, and that's before surgery. There is a GoFundMe page linked ❤️

https://www.gofundme.com/f/melindas-cancer-costs