Today I miss Melanie so much I can hardly stand it.  I am not exactly sure what triggered today - maybe because yesterday I had one of "those" days where I would have texted her to commiserate on the state of things or maybe because I was thinking of fall and how Thanksgiving will never be the same again or just maybe because she's on my heart.  I decided to post my eulogy for her here since many were unable to attend the funeral and many are far away.  Love to all. ❤️

====Melanie Jane====

From the moment she came into the world - she interrupted our dinner
at Long John Silvers of all places when my mom's water broke - I was
in awe of my little sister.  She was beautiful and I took my role as
big sister very seriously.   I held her, I read to her.  As much as I
could I protected her, offered advice even when she didn’t want it.

We spent summers with our Dad.  One year we flew as Unaccompanied
minors, and they made an announcement about a delay and missed
connections meaning we’d be stuck overnight in Dayton OH.  Melanie was
7 years old, and she burst into tears and asked if we were going to be
lost.  I was on the verge of tears myself, but I took a deep breath
and grabbed her hand and said don’t worry Melly I will take care of
you. She didn’t even question, she just stopped crying and believed
me.

Incidentally they ended up sending us home with a stewardess (as she
was called then) who was getting married soon and we got to see her
wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses and go to McDonalds and it was
actually quite fun. My dad and my mom didn’t have the same fun I am
sure, but Melanie and I always laughed about that memory of being
"misconnects".

When we were very little she called me sissy, then sissy pooh and
later just Pooh.  She was my Tigger and I was her Pooh and we named
mom Piglet.  It was often just the three of us.  When my husband Tony
came along, we tried making him Eeyore but decided maybe we should
stop at just the 3 of us.

As we got older, of course the role of responsibility for Melanie
changed and she had others in her life who took a primary role.  but I
have never stopped being in awe of my little sister and feeling
responsible for her as her big sister.  She was my sister and she
filled in all my blank spaces about my childhood.

Melanie loved her job, she was very good at it and judging by the
comments of the many Stone Seed and Bayer folks who came last night,
they loved her too.

Melanie loved family.  Thank you so much to Kelly for being her
partner in all things.  To Kelly’s family for loving her and making
her a part of yours.

To Savannah and Keegan - you guys were her bonus kiddos and she loved
you both very much. She wanted the very best for all of her children.

To my mom - who showed us what strong means - a single mom who gave
her all for us every day.  Who prayed for Melanie and who wanted only
her happiness.

To our dad - we have so many great childhood memories, especially fun
times with grandpa and grandma.  Melanie loved you always and in her
heart was always daddy's girl.

To Jacob and Joe - your mother loved you with all of her heart and
soul.  You are her greatest blessings and she is so very proud of both
of you.  Please know that you are surrounded by love and family and we
will always be with you and will always take care of you.

Melanie was an absolutely beautiful, joyful shining example of love
and kindness.  She was full of life.  She loved hard with her whole
heart.

But I could not authentically remember Melanie without recognizing and giving truth to her battles.
She faced daily struggles with anxiety, with feelings of insecurity, of not being enough.  She suffered with depression and went through some very dark passages in her adult life.

If there was one thingI could change about her life, other than still having her here today, it would be to take that burden from her.  To give her the ability to see herself the way we saw her.  The way God
created her.  To truly see how loved she was. To give herself the grace she extended to others.  To not be so hard on herself.

I'll end with words from our favorite, Winnie the Pooh:

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we are not together, you must always
remember:
You are Braver than You Believe,
Stronger than You Seem
and Smart than You Thnk.
But the most important thing is, if ever we're apart, I'll always be with you."