Hi everyone! For whomever received a journal post this morning, just so you know it was written in 2018. That is not my current state but I was reading through the page and the old posts this morning to look back and the one posted this morning by mistake was a draft by my mom and I accidentally posted it.

But since I'm here I guess I'll give an update:). I am actually doing very well right now. I am coming up on four years post transplant this July. My visits to CHOP have been less and less frequent and I will soon be transitioning to yearly visits with their Survivorship team moving on from my current one.  Last year, I was advised to get all of my vaccines again because transplant had wiped them out. So, every couple of months for the last year, I've been taking trips to CHOP to get vaccinated (and Yes, I have gotten all of my COVID vaccines too) and have never contracted COVID, so fingers crossed I continue that streak. My body has been through quite the trauma and sometimes I forget what I went through because of just how resilient my body has been. Through not just the transplant.

But I do see that. I see how much I've been carried through, my main goal now is to find a purpose and use for this experience whether it's encouraging others, or being someone who can be confided in ...because just about nothing gets to me anymore. 

So, I am FULLY vaccinated in every possible way. But it wasn't a picnic, one session of vaccines knocked me off my feet pretty good. I had an adverse reaction of chills, fever, and even trouble breathing. But I have someone very special in my life who helped me through that night. ;)

October 2021, I took the risk to audition for a school in New York City, called AMDA. Same special person came along with me and I sang for their faculty, met some wonderful students, and was rewarded the compliment of being "unconventional" and having an "exceptional audition!" I received a scholarship and out of a lot of indecision, applying to different programs, not getting accepted into some and changing my mind about others, I decided to go! Later that month is when classes started so it was quite fast how everything came to be. I felt excited. Nervous. Anticipatory though tried to have an open mind. My weeks were filled with every class for Musical theatre under the sun: dance; jazz, tap, ballet, acting, song acting, vocal production, musicianship you name it. As well as all of the exposure that comes from being in the heart of Broadway and New York. I was taught by AMDA alumni and Broadway alumni as well! One thing I was not prepared for though was the commute. I decided to commute from my home in Wayne New Jersey to Belle Avenue, to the GWB bus terminal, to Columbus Circle, finally to AMDA. I was determined to finish out the semester, but I am taking a break to reassess.

I mistake I made and still often make is not "listening" to my body. But I can't expect to live as if nothing happened. In shooting for the stars, I neglected to acknowledge the meteor of what my experience was and how it continues to affect me. I never wanted to be stuck in the difficulty and isolation and lack of motivation I felt like I had when things were at their worst. So I kept going. and going. and going. Holding my breath. And I see that survival instinct. That quality of determination that I've always had was trying so desperately to hang on. So I in a sense, disconnected from every memory... And as an artist, you have to dig deep, you have to confront things that can hold you back from telling a story and making an impact. So I decided not to continue. And I know many people tell me it is such a great experience, don't lose it but it's not what I thought. I've been in limbo and in this place of "between" and am familiar with it, its not a fun place to be but growth is where I am trying to go so.... yeah:) ... theres more but you know. It's a lot.

Anyways, the last post you can disregard. But thank you for reading though and expressing concern. It means a lot to know that people care like that so thank you!!!

Love, Meg