Last Friday marked six weeks since Alder's birth and death. I think we expected that we might have made more "progress" by now... physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, all of it. What we're learning about grief is that it's a lot longer process than we thought with no rhythm, rhyme, or reason and that we're never going to get over it. The joy of Alder's life and the sorrow of his death will always be a part of us, and the only way out of this place that we're in right now is through it.

Have there been lights in the darkness? Yes: Nature. Sedona (our sweet pup). Each other. Good food. Music. Alder trees. AND OUR PEOPLE. We are reading a book called The Night Lake by Liz Tichenor, a friend of a friend and a mother who experienced a similar loss. About her people, she writes, "These people didn't have to suffer, but they were deciding to, choosing to be with us in the exile of this dark place." We realize that if you are reading this, you are one of the people who have made that choice. We feel your love and your presence and thank you for choosing to be in it with us. That being said, we are ready for you to reach out.  If you've been holding back in an effort not to bug us, know that now we are ready to be bugged.  

Other frequent reminders of the love that surrounds us are the moments of peace we have been able to find. Getting outside every day and being near the river has drawn us to the fish, the water, and the Alder trees that remind us of the love we have for each other and that every part of this grief is an expression of the love we have for Alder. We are working toward "finding peace in what is," and that "joy and grief do not average one another out.  They exist fully.  Sometimes right next to each other." - Holly Whitaker

As JD navigates being back at work and Megan continues to figure out what work might look like this year, we are finding joy in the little things and what we have to look forward to - being with family, a trip to the beach, music festivals, and continuing to grow closer to each other through it all.

We love you, 

Megan and J.D.