Another round of chemo is officially in the books, and my sights are officially set on the finish line for this phase of treatment!  I was a little nervous heading into round 4 because we were scheduled to head on vacation 3 days after my infusion.  Days 4-6 are typically my worst days following treatment, and I was really hopeful that I would still be able to enjoy some time at the beach with our family.  Luckily, I managed to make it through another round relatively unscathed!  Most of my side effects were extremely minimal, and I did not miss a single day on the beach!   

We spent the week playing in the sand, hunting ghost crabs, swimming in the ocean, taking beach naps, jumping back and forth between the pool and the hot tub, playing endless games of spoons, and I even managed to win a few rounds of rummikub (despite the brain fog!).  There is something about being by the ocean that has always been so therapeutic for me, and this week proved to be no different.  Relaxing to the sound of the ocean was the best medicine, and watching those sweet cousins continue to build the best friendships was so good for the soul!  Some of my very best childhood memories are down in the outer banks, and it does my heart good to be able to build those some happy memories for my kids.  Vacation with small kids is not always the easiest, but seeing them build these memories and begin to form traditions makes it so worth it.  

This year the ocean provided a whole new type of healing for me.  My blood counts have been consistently dropping off as treatment has progressed, which is to be expected.  Luckily, my white blood cells have remained pretty strong, which is great since I live with two little germ machines!  My red blood cells, hemoglobin, and platelets are dropping the lowest, and that comes with its own set of symptoms.  Because the red blood cells/hemoglobin transport oxygen through your blood, as these cells drop off you can experience fatigue, shortness of breath, etc.  As my counts have continued to drop off, I have noticed that my heart is racing almost all of the time.  I am having to work harder to pump oxygen throughout my body, and my resting heart rate after treatment stays above 100 bpm.  I think being at the beach and walking up and down the stairs more often made this much more noticeable to me this round, and I found myself with much more chest pain than usual.  I could feel my heart beating like crazy, and it felt like I had just run a race all of the time.  For whatever reason, getting in the ocean completely soothed this feeling.  I do not know if it was the calming rhythm of waves, or the weightlessness, or just the sweet giggles from my babies, but I never felt better than I did while we were playing in the water.  It is amazing how a place can instantly reset you like that, literally washing away both mental and physical pain.   

What has been so interesting to me throughout this process is how different every round of chemo has been for me.  Heading into treatment I was told that the side effects that I experienced in round one would be what I could expect from subsequent rounds with increasing intensity.  For some reason, the exact opposite has been true for me.  There are a few consistent side effects (fatigue, loss of taste, major brain fog), but luckily, most of the worst side effects seem to have made an appearance once or twice but have not stuck around as I have continued treatment.  The GI issues of round 1 seem to have gone completely away, the nausea of round 2 has not come back again, and even the intense fatigue that I experienced the first few rounds has subsided a bit (don't get me wrong, I still love a good afternoon nap!).  I feel so lucky that my body is handling treatment so well, and still kicking cancers butt, and I pray that this continues!  As far as we can tell, the results from my treatment so far have been great!  I cannot feel the lumps in my breast or armpit hardly at all anymore.  I am continuing to pray for a pathological complete response to chemo (which means no cancer is found at time of surgery), and I feel confident that we are on that path.  

The next few weeks will be busy with appointments!  I have a repeat heart echo to make sure that nothing has changed with my heart function (the targeted treatment that I am on can cause heart problems, so I will have an echo every 3 months to closely monitor this).  I have follow ups with my oncologist, chemo, shots, and I will begin working with my surgeon a little more closely to prep for phase 2 of my active treatment - surgery.  I still have not decided what type of surgery I will opt for.  I am currently scheduled for a double mastectomy, but a lumpectomy is still on the table.  My oncologist and surgeon agree that they will not make a final recommendation until they have reviewed my post chemo scans, and I am praying that we all have clarity to make the best decision at that time.  There are pros and cons to both procedures, and I swear right now I change my mind on which path I will take several times a day!

As I head in for chemo today, please pray that my blood counts will be strong enough to treat.  My hemoglobin and platelets were borderline at my last treatment, and I have been told to prepare for the fact that they could be too low by this round.  I am really hopeful that I can stay on track with my treatment, and I pray that my body is strong enough to handle another round today!  Please pray for Ross and the kids as they gear up for me to be out of commission yet again.  They are all such troopers, but it never gets easier to explain that Mommy isn't able to play as much as I used to.  Please also pray for my family, because the worry that they experience watching me go through treatment also never goes away.  And if we can throw in an extra prayer for my sister and her family, as they prepare to welcome the newest family member in the next couple of weeks!  Baby Graham is the exact blessing that our family needed this year, and I cannot wait to soak up every second of snuggles with him so soon!  

Thank you all, as always, for your continued love, prayers, and support.  It is not lost on me how fortunate I am to have such an incredible support system.  I have no doubt that it has made all the difference in the world in making this process so manageable for me and my family so far, and keeping our spirits up as we navigate through this chapter.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!