Today started at 5 AM at my parents’ house(cleveland, MN). Aaron and I then drove the hour and half to Mayo. I had a day full of follow up to-dos—two scans (an MRI and CT scan) and two oncologist appointments.
Long story short… they all went great. Some typical post-radiation effects, but nothing that shows reoccurrence. Relief. Relief. Relief.
So, Aaron and I get back in the car after the final appointment. After 15,000 steps and an early start… I wasn’t surprised to be tired. But there was some other emotion I couldn’t put my finger on.
You know when you try a new food and faintly recognize a flavor and can’t specify what that taste is? That’s what I felt; it bothered me. Finally, once back at my parents house where we could squeeze Evan and Anna, it hit me. Dizzy. I feel dizzy.
I know I’m thankful and blessed. And amazed and lah-Dee-dah. But I’m also dizzy y’all. And I almost feel guilty. If I’d go back to December or February, I think I’d look to this point and the news we got today and assume/hope I would be leaping in the air of happiness and relief.
But maybe, it makes sense. I feel like maybe I’m dizzy because of December and February. Dizzy because the news we got today isn’t the news everyone gets. Dizzy because I look back and frankly am in awe of everything we’ve been carried through.
But, I’ve been on enough Merry-Go-Rounds to know that dizziness doesn’t last forever. It’s gonna fade.
Idk. I suppose this is just a reminder it’s ok to feel more than one emotion at a time. You’re allowed to be happy, relieved, and dizzy all at once. At least I sure hope so.
Psalm 23:1 (honestly… the whole chapter is so so relevant to all of this 😂)
The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing.
Thankful for you all. 😊😊
