It has been just over a week since Mary passed on.  In tribute to her life, we are sharing the following  tributes given to Mary from family and friends during her Living Memorial Celebration.  There are a few that are not available at this time, but I invite anyone who wishes to add yours as well.

From Barry's son Adam who Mary became a co-mom to (with Adam's mom, LeeAnn):

I first met Mary, or Patty as she was called then, when I was a young boy.  My parents had recently divorced and both had moved on to find new love in their lives.  Being a rather obstinate child I was not open to the idea of having even more parents.  No one was going to tell me what to do!  But as time went on I got to know Mary better and better.  First as someone who was just genuinely fun and full of life.  

Our first big trip together was one out west to Idaho, Oregon, and some other places I can't remember.  What I do know is that there were (presumably) scorpions, mountain lions, snakes, bears, moose, wasps, and possibly even velociraptors everywhere that were out to get me.  Oh, and that I could probably climb any mountain in sight.  

I remember my first big road trip blunder with Mary.  I let out one raunchy fart and Mary looked back at me with surprise and then let one loose herself.  At this point I knew for sure that Mary was truly cool in my books.  

That's the ultimate test of humanity right? The fart test?

As time went on I eventually went to live with Dad and Mary in Idaho Falls. My high school years were filled with a lot of fun.  I was the resident (probably professional) drift boat rower, not so professional dodger of Mary's fly's while she was fishing, and connoisseur of the masterpiece motion picture: Wayne's World 2.  And I often enjoyed wonderful ski trips with Dad and Mary off to Grand Targhee. Usually with about as many teenagers as you could stuff into a Suburban... which was usually like 6 or 7 of us.  And what better way to prepare for our trips other than getting totally psyched by listening to Enya and Sara McLachan on repeat.... I mean obviously Backstreet Boys would have been a much better choice!

Sometime during my High School years Mary stopped being a Step Mom to me and just became another Mom.  I had been calling her Mom for a while and what initially felt like another word I was trying on just became natural. This became even more evident when we faced some difficult times together and I felt like no matter what I was going to be ok with Mary there.  

And then life happened fast.  I went to college, graduated, and entered the work force.  My career was blooming and my social circle was huge. Many weekends were occupied by... Lord only knows what.. but it definitely involved playing soccer or being on Merry-Go-Rounds at 1 AM.  The greatest joy I've ever known entered my life when I met my best friend Odus.  There was hiking almost every day and playing games with friends - living the best life.  And then it all came to an end.  And then my perspective changed.

I don't know when you become an adult but for me I think it was when I could start relating to my parents.  And coming to appreciate them truly for who they are.  Realizing how much effort and love went into them caring for you as a person and ultimately helping to shape your life.  

It's hard to describe Mary as a person without becoming existential.  I think most people would call Mary an Angel or a Saint.  She has lived a life that has been dedicated to enriching those of others.  Through her work she helped ease the suffering of many troubled souls.  And she offered love and understanding to my father, always, including during his hardest times struggling with PTSD. And all the while, carrying all of these heavy things and helping other people, she always has maintained a zest and joy for life. Even in the midst of facing an illness that would almost assuredly take her from us she maintained that zest.  "I always try to put my best foot forward."  

Mary is and always will be a shining beacon of joy in my life.

Love is endless and eternal.  We are bound by love.  We will always be together.

From Barry's daughter, Heather:

Dear Mary,

You are such a gift.                                                                                                                                                                                               I'm incredibly thankful that we've been able to connect on such a deep level these past few months, and especially these past few weeks.  Truly beautiful.  I have loved our chats more than you know, and just how openly, honestly and sincerely we've talked about everything and anything that matters to us.  You mentioned to me that, "you and I aren't that much different", and I take that as the highest compliment.  You are a compassionate, loving, brilliant and gentle soul.  I am grateful for your presence in my life.  I hope to face all life's difficulties and hardships with the same level of courage and grace that you have shown while dealing with cancer.  You are a brave woman.  I love you and am sending you waves of warmth and joy and all your favorite wildflowers.  You deserve bliss.

Always and forever,

Heather

From Mary's Mom:

My Dearest Mary,

How do I say what you, my daughter, have meant to me, especially when it has become apparent you have to leave us, unfortunately too soon because of this awful cancer disease.  I've been with you "since day one" as you say.  You were the youngest in our family, trying to keep up with Barb & Doug, and often you did.  You walked at nine months!  I enjoyed watching you grow up, with your musical and athletic talents and leadership skills even then.  We had fun family times, visiting relatives, camping, celebrating holidays together, or just playing games and singing around the piano.

An example of your planning ability is this service today, that your put together even while you have been taking multiple pain medications and have not eaten anything for a month!  You have been a wonderful daughter, always helping me when you came to visit with whatever I needed to have done, especially as I got older.  Your smiling face and pleasant disposition brightened my days as they did for others.  The many beautiful bouquets from your flower gardens that you gave your friends and co-workers and cancer medical team were no doubt appreciated too.  You have been a capable and caring person, and have led a meaningful life, helping others as a professional social worker, as well as voluntarily.  You have been a help to your husband Barry too, as he has been for you.  I have been so proud of you as your dad was also.  I will miss you very much but you will always be with me in my heart and memories.  I will love you forever.  Mom

From Mary's brother, Doug:

Mary, you and I haven’t lived in the same city for 42 years, but we’ve had the good fortune to see each other often, at many large family events (too many, our spouses both like to say), and for outdoor fun: skiing at Grand Targhee, The Canyons and Rib Mountain; snowshoeing in Chequamegon National Forest; kayaking on Stone Lake; hiking in the Santa Catalinas and other mountains of Southern Arizona; running along Bluff Road on the Peninsula; and, of course, those half-marathons on the Bearskin State Trail in the North Woods. One of my favorite pictures of you is from September 2019, less than a year before this cursed cancer was diagnosed. It was taken of you on the Bearskin Trail as you approached the finish line of the No Frills Half Marathon, a big smile on your face and both hands raised, fingers making V’s. I’ve wondered if those were V’s for veterans, who you’ve served so compassionately for so long, and you couldn’t help but honor them on the occasion of your own accomplishment. But maybe they were V’s for victory, because this was a well-deserved opportunity to celebrate what you’d just achieved for yourself –you usually coached and cared for others so that they could meet their challenges and achieve their goals. You’re near the finish line of another long run, Mary, so get those arms up in the air again, even higher this time, and make those Vs with your fingers again. One V for veterans and one too for victory, because, little sis, you are a winner! I will always love you dearly.  Doug

From Mary's sister, Barb:

My sister Mary …

• When Mary was born on February 3rd, 1960, not only did I gain a sister, but a best friend too. We not only had fun growing up together, but we’ve had each other’s backs through thick and thin, through youth and aging (well she didn’t age much did she!), and through all the ups and downs of life; she’s been my sister and my friend.
• My sister is amazing in many ways– she could always do the things I couldn’t. For example, I practiced and practiced, but I could not do a cartwheel to save my soul. Mary not only did cartwheels, but she performed a complete gymnastic routine in front of the whole school when she was in middle school. She is a natural athlete. I figure she had a little advantage, though since she walked at 9 months, as our mom pointed out. In 2019, Mary ran a half marathon, and was training to run another in 2020 when she was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. I thought half marathons were a tremendous accomplishment. Now I realize that half marathons do not compare to the strength and endurance Mary has inspired us with during her cancer journey over these past 3 years. Mary is simply amazing!
• I have so many memories with Mary that I could talk for a very long time, but I won’t because there are others who have things they want to say. While many memories are big and adventurous, it is sometimes the little memories that come back to me. Our oldest daughter was not a good sleeper as an infant. I had worked to calm her enough to take a nap since she was over-tired, and I breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally asleep. It was then that Mary stopped over, and as an excited godmother, she walked straight into the bedroom and picked Michelle up from her crib. I can’t help but laugh when I think of that now. Mary loved each of our daughters from the moment they were born and has continued to be a loving aunt ever since. And now she is a Great Aunt to Owen and Colton! Thank you, Mary, for continuing to be part of their lives through the years, and for all the kindness you have shown them.
• Head over heels in love. Yes, that was Mary after she met Barry. And as Mary says, he’s been her rock during her cancer treatment, and throughout their 30 plus years of life together. Thank you, Barry, for always having Mary’s best interests at heart, and for loving her so much.  Barry also came with a bonus … his son, Adam! Mary has always wanted to be a mother, and when Adam moved in with them and Mary became a co-mom with LeeAnn she was over the moon. Mary says Adam is one of the greatest joys of her life. She has also enjoyed getting to know Adam’s siblings, Heather, and Ben, who were young adults when she met them. Heather has been a Godsend to Mary over these past weeks with heart-to-heart talks about everything and anything.
• Mary found so much meaning in her work with veterans, many who felt the impact of trauma in their lives. She said, “These veterans were my teachers and my inspiration, and the reason for continuing my career as long as I did, after I got cancer.”
• Mary is such a vibrant and caring person. Even in hospice she has been thinking about everyone else, making sure everyone will be okay after she is gone, and connecting with people she loves. Kenny Ausubel wrote, “Each of us has a spark of life inside of us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another.” I believe that Mary has reached that goal – she has set off so many sparks in her 63 years of life that there could be a fireworks created by all the people she has touched.
• Mary, thank you for your love and caring, for your kindness and inspiration, and for your grace. Thank you for the difference you made in my life.
• This isn’t goodbye. The memories we’ve shared will remain with me always, and I will love you forever.
• Let’s all go out and share Mary’s spark of life!

From Mary's nieces, Michelle, Laura and Karen, presented by Laura:

Hi. I am Laura, Mary’s niece. I am speaking on behalf of myself and my sisters Michelle and Karen.

When we think of Aunt Mary, there is a rush of warm, pleasant memories, thoughts, and feelings. It is hard to share only a few as she has been so present in our lives.

• I remember how she would braid all my hair into tiny braids and tie the ends with whatever we could find.
• I loved watching her with my children and how their faces would light up with joy at the fun they were having.
• I remember listening to Jewel on repeat during car rides.I remember the love and support she’d give me and still does, no matter what I was going through.
• Karen remembers her trip to Austin, Texas with Aunt Mary. They got room service and went to a bridge in which bats would fly over in hoards.
• Karen remembers Aunt Mary’s love of a pair of red cowboy boots because she said they made her feel like Brittney Spears.
• Karen also remembers Aunt Mary braiding her hair.
• Michelle remembers a time she convinced Aunt Mary to prank our Dad, Mike. When Dad went to pick Michelle up, Michelle was on crutches and said she’d broken some bones when in reality had only broken a toe in an unfortunate indoor soccer accident.
• Michelle remembers that Aunt Mary has always been so funny, inclusive, and nonjudgmental of everyone.
• Other words that are synonymous with Aunt Mary are patient, empathetic, warm, understanding, supportive, joyful, silly, strong, ambitious, and kind.
• The feel of her love is almost tangible and will forever wrap itself around us.
• Aunt Mary recently gave us some items of importance to her. She gave us a journal and inside we found the “Dragonfly Legend” by Walter Dudley Cavert. I’d like to share it with you now:

In the bottom of an old pond lived some grubs who could not understand why none of their groups ever came back after crawling up the stems of the lilies to the top of the water. They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what happened to him.  Soon one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface; he rested himself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation, which made him a dragonfly with beautiful wings.  In vain, he tried to keep his promise.  Flying back and forth over the pond, he peered down at his friends below.  Then he realized that even if they could see him they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number.

The fact that we cannot see our friends or communicate with them after the transformation, which we call death, is no proof that they cease to exist.

While I am not comparing Aunt Mary to a grub, the imagery of this transformation - death - and idea that Aunt Mary will live on, watching over us - the afterlife of which we know so little - is beautiful and soothing.

I will end by saying to Aunt Mary something she recently texted to me - “Love you from the first date and ongoing forever.”

From Mary's cousin, Amy:

Beautiful inside and out. That’s what Mary was.

Her bright eyes and gentle smile lit up rooms her entire life. So many lives that Mary touched…

As Mary’s same aged cousin, I chased around with her in Sunday School and during holidays and family camping trips. We wore twin outfits, traded secrets and walked hand in hand while reciting fun jingles in time with the steps we took together. I have fond memories of our time at church camp and Girl Scout arboretum camp. In the last weeks of her life, Mary and I sung the arboretum song together on the phone, and we marveled and giggled that I even still have a plaster cast of a raccoon footprint that we created fifty years ago. We had fun recounting how she taught me to safely ride my bike in the city past a restaurant called “Hungry Hungry” and what a manicure was.

Not having an older sister like Barb, I realized recently that Mary was my first, “best” friend. She was a person that I looked forward to seeing at family events. As I have reflected on my life with Mary and my extended Cleasby clan during those formative years of my life, I have gained appreciation of what this family really represented in my life. It was through relationships in my own family, our extended family and my pairings with Mary that I learned to love myself and others.

The love within Mary made her the devoted, caring and giving person she was through her whole life, both in her personal and professional relationships. Even during her last journey, Mary was an example for me. The way she courageously faced her illness with such strength and grace awed me. Our beloved Mary left this world a better place. Her positivity had a rippling effect. I asked her to keep her light shining brightly so I can find her someday. I will miss her and love her always.

From Mary's friend and co-worker, Sharleen:

I met Mary when we both worked for the Saginaw VA. We developed a special work relationship but more importantly a personal connection.  We were fortunate to travel together for work doing community outreach activities. Mary and I managed to squeeze in some fun during our community travels, the details of which Mary swore me to secrecy.  I still smile and laugh when I think about them.

Mary's dedication to the Veterans she worked with is the reason many of them are living a much better life.

Mary is truly a special person and someone I consider my best friend.  I will miss my best friend. We shared many smiles and were there for each other if we needed a listening ear.

Mary's grace and courage during her battle with cancer has been an example for all who know her.

Poem to my Best Friend

To my best friend

A soul mate, sister

One I vouched for,

Like no other.

One I'd fight for,

Right to the end,

That's why I guess,

You're my best friend.

To my best friend,

I know you will soon be gone,

But I'm sure our friendship,

Can live on.

I will hold you in my heart forever

Thinking of you always,

Will forget you never.

Sorry I can't be there today but know I am thinking about you.  I love you with all my heart!!

Shar