RAMBLINGS OF A TRANSIENT HEART ♥️ 

Its been a couple weeks here, I know. I stopped journaling. Like the pause when you are held captive at a railroad gate with a train passing. The clicking clacking of the rail wheels and boxcars passing hold me hostage. I watch as each boxcar passes, seemingly holding something of my life, yet it’s passing quickly by. I want to be that kid that jumps into the open boxcar and rolls down the track. Free. Yet, the confines of my car hold me captive.

It has been an interesting few weeks in this pause by the gate. Held captive in my recovery from cancer as “she” continues to vet people, circumstances and much more from my life. Boxcars of my life passing by at high speeds that I am not meant to jump into. I am trying to make sense of this chaos. 

In this wicked, high speed turn of events, I was told I am rambling. That my writing needs “brevity”. In all this chaos, the unknowns, choices that other people have made for me or are making for themself, I am chuckling right now. Brevity? My life is far from concise or exact at the moment. And a part of me knows fully well that she is “rambling.”  

Therefore, please allow me to thank all of you all who keep reading my ramblings.
Maybe I’m unpacking all the fear in the unknown.
Maybe I’m filling boxcars to send away what isn’t necessary anymore.
Maybe I’m sitting still and letting every damn thing and person in my life move, as I sit captive for once and watch. 

I’m human. I hurt. I grieve. I make awful mistakes. I am so less than perfect, as I continue to ramble and process and pack up some of those boxcars, let go and refine myself in all this chaos, I say, “Thank you.” 

Thank you for reading the ramblings of my heart and head. It’s a shit storm, and when this all settles, I will find myself on and in deep fertile ground once again. But right now I am uprooted. A transient in my own life. 

In in the meantime, I am letting all the other boxcars pass now. Filled with things, people and circumstances I need to let go or not chase. Brevity will come to me if I remain still in the chaos. But I won’t stop writing about how it looks and feels at the railroad gate I am at. 

Thank you all again who are who taking your precious time and are reading. To those that contact me with your thoughts, care and comments about the processing and ramblings of a transient heart. It’s all appreciated. You are all appreciated. 

So, I am going to be OK with rambling, as it is serving a purpose in helping me make sense of many areas of my life right now. Guiding me to that place called “Brevity.”

As I sit, captive by recovery of cancer, I am watching as that brevity boxcar will pass me in time. And when it does, I’ll jump. It will all then become very clear and concise to this transient heart where to take root. 

Peace & Grace 
Maria