We met with Dr. Avery today.  When I was filling out the paperwork that asked how I was feeling.... it is hard for me to say "I don't feel good."  I'm good at pushing through and I'm REALLY  good at "I'm fine" - but I'm not good saying I'm in pain - and I'm not good at saying I'm worried.  So... I usually don't.   Don't get me wrong - I'm really good at worrying about my kids, my parents, and my family... But I'm not good at worrying about myself.  So when they asked if I was in pain - Today I had to say yes.  When they asked if I was in emotional distress... I, fortunately, was able to put NO - (But, I made a side note that said... I'm living in sunshine and rainbows... just ask Megan).

Luckily Megan was able to go with me to the appointment today!  Dr. Avery used a lot of medical jargon and showed images from my scans - and I was able to just stay in my "Happy Zone" and I let Megan take in the "other stuff"...   Some of the blood work that he ordered is not back yet.  We do know my body is inflamed... but the lung was NOT CANCER - and those words put me into a zone of Sunshine & Rainbows.  The glowing lymph nodes could be because of the Histoplasomis they found in the lung... but he wants to partner with the Infectious Disease Doctor and get all the bloodwork back (Probably order more) and he will get to the bottom of the inflammation.  We also decided that since I also have had headaches, we will get a brain MRI just to make sure we are looking at everything.  (And to make sure I still have one)

Since TV does not help keep me stay in Sunshine & Rainbow Land - I have been reading a lot of books.  Two that I recently finished were The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch and Wintering by Katherine May.   The Last Lecture was a beautiful memoir the author wrote for his kids and for the world as he faced the terminal diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.  Wintering was a book that came highly recommended.  It is not a book I would normally grab, but it was a book that really opened my eyes to the importance of rest & recharge.  In the book Wintering, the author talks about a friend she had who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After going to many doctors trying to find the right combination of drugs to help her, she met with a new doctor who told her, "This is not about you getting fixed, it is about you living the best life you can with the parameters that you have."  For some reason, this really spoke to me.  Many people and support groups tell cancer patients to just "Get used to your new normal" - but honestly the new normal is just NOT normal.  But the way the book explained this situation, hit home as it is basically giving me permission to live my best life - no matter what.  So for me right now, that means I will stay in sunshine and rainbows.  I REALLY appreciated it when Dr. Avery said, let's plan a game of what if... He mapped out a lot of things that this could be and we played on each scenario... and he had a plan of attack for all of the scenarios,  So we will just wait ... for ALL the tests, ALL the bloodwork, ALL the doctors.... and then we will know the scenario we need to face.   (Megan also thinks that my body is acting up because I missed my friends at NHO...because let's face it... Dr. Avery's office is THE BEST!)