Journal
I was in the hospital for almost 3 weeks. Even then, in the early days after my fluke accident, I knew that a visit to my dear friend and her nascent Kentucky horse farm would be deeply important for my healing. Of the many losses that I was coming to terms with one of the most devastating was the place that horses have held throughout my life. Most recently, during Covid, being with my horse brought me my greatest peace and joy. That was gone and replaced with crushing PTSD.
A year from my last major surgery (September 2022) I had the opportunity to travel to Indiana and Kentucky, including a visit to Horse Woods Haven.
I awoke my first morning resonating with the spacious quiet of the place. There, my reintroduction to horses was gradual, organic and magical.
First I stood nearby visiting with Sue as she brought the horses out for the night. The horses acknowledged me as they walked past.
The next day I had an amazing attunement with Nador, a very perceptive gelding. He was very aware of what had happened and its significance. He responded with a long series of snorts and sneezes, moaning and head shaking. We responded with weeping.
Another day, I attempted to groom two geldings. They tolerated the regular dropping of brushes quite well. Nador fell asleep while I brushed out his tail.
And on the most magical day Sue took me to the far end of the farm to look at the boundary markers in the woods. The six horses were free and chose to come find us in the forest. They hung out with us and wandered like shadows between the trees. And then they followed us for the rest of our walk along the edges of the fields through the grass. Through the recently hayed grass and down to the log labyrinth. That day in that nurtured and nurturing place walking with a line of free horses choosing to walk behind me I felt the deep familiarity and rightness of that connection for me. A part of it was still there.
Finally on my last day there, I walked the labyrinth with Harlan, the standardbred gelding. It was my first time haltering a horse, and my first time handling a lead rope. We walked carefully to the Center and back out again while his young mare friend followed.
I am immensely grateful to have had the opportunity to find out if I could still find joy with horses while being held by such a wonderful constellation of human, horse, and land.
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