Journal entry by Lydia Dodson —
Hey Baby,
It's hard to believe only a month has passed since I watched you breathe your last breath. I've been so apprehensive about this day because I knew how much these journal entries meant to you and I have no doubt you would want me to write one more time in your honor. I knew one month after your passing would be the perfect day to end our journey on Caringbridge.
As tears stream down my face I have so many things to tell you, so many emotions to share that it seems like a full year has gone by since I last saw you. I prayed with you and begged you in those final days to show me signs that you would be ok...as usual you went overboard! From the rainbows, to the butterflies- to the text of our last exchange coming up on my phone during my first meeting back at work when I asked you during your last MD Anderson stay, "are you ok" and you simply replied "yes"- you have left know doubt you are secure in Heaven.
So I know you are in a better place, I know you are with your daddy, I know you are praising Jesus and that brings me tears of joy. But I also miss you so much. I miss how beautiful you were. I miss your elegance, your laugh, your sarcasm, and your passion for your kids. I miss your smell, your smile, your OCD, and I miss people randomly walking up to you and telling you their life story. I miss you before cancer. But I also miss your resolve, your fortitude, your fight and your perseverance.
As any spouse would, I have many regrets....and there is an overwhelming amount of guilt. Could I have done more, should we have done something different, why wasn't it me. Yet I will never regret the day God brought you into my life, and I have to rest in the assurance of God's plan. I am so thankful you chose me to spend your life with. I am so blessed to have called you my wife. You made me a better man. You taught me so much about myself, how to be a better father, how to love, how to become a better Christian....how to clean- and you gave me some of your OCD in the process...so just know- the house is clean!
You would be so proud of the kids. Every one of them has your fight. Our new mantra is that "Mom never said can't." You have done such an amazing job with them that I really only have to become an extension of who you were as a parent. I love you so much for that. Sure it has been hard. There are so many things you have already missed in the physical sense. But you have already shown each of them how you will be present with them for the rest of their lives. And that makes me so proud.
This final letter is not good bye....you will be with me for the rest of my days. I hear you in every decision I make, I ask myself "what would Lyd do?" We have even started a Foundation in your name. TeamLyd Foundation will help people with cancer in your honor and focus on how to help detect cancer sooner to help save lives. As you strolled the halls of MD Anderson and prayed with people who had cancer, while unselfishly asking how they were doing (after you had gone through 21 rounds of chemo) I had no other choice but to continue to try to bless as many people as possible on this earth in your name!
Yesterday I was wondering if there was a significance in the day you passed from this earth, Oct 26th, 2017? And here we are exactly 1 month later, and in church today I learned we began the Advent Season today. The start of a new year for the Christian faith...a time for renewal. It is the beginning of the Christmas season, which is your favorite time of year! And, of course, the color of Advent...your favorite color- Purple. I can't wait to see you again Lydia.
Forever Your Love,
Dean
It's hard to believe only a month has passed since I watched you breathe your last breath. I've been so apprehensive about this day because I knew how much these journal entries meant to you and I have no doubt you would want me to write one more time in your honor. I knew one month after your passing would be the perfect day to end our journey on Caringbridge.
As tears stream down my face I have so many things to tell you, so many emotions to share that it seems like a full year has gone by since I last saw you. I prayed with you and begged you in those final days to show me signs that you would be ok...as usual you went overboard! From the rainbows, to the butterflies- to the text of our last exchange coming up on my phone during my first meeting back at work when I asked you during your last MD Anderson stay, "are you ok" and you simply replied "yes"- you have left know doubt you are secure in Heaven.
So I know you are in a better place, I know you are with your daddy, I know you are praising Jesus and that brings me tears of joy. But I also miss you so much. I miss how beautiful you were. I miss your elegance, your laugh, your sarcasm, and your passion for your kids. I miss your smell, your smile, your OCD, and I miss people randomly walking up to you and telling you their life story. I miss you before cancer. But I also miss your resolve, your fortitude, your fight and your perseverance.
As any spouse would, I have many regrets....and there is an overwhelming amount of guilt. Could I have done more, should we have done something different, why wasn't it me. Yet I will never regret the day God brought you into my life, and I have to rest in the assurance of God's plan. I am so thankful you chose me to spend your life with. I am so blessed to have called you my wife. You made me a better man. You taught me so much about myself, how to be a better father, how to love, how to become a better Christian....how to clean- and you gave me some of your OCD in the process...so just know- the house is clean!
You would be so proud of the kids. Every one of them has your fight. Our new mantra is that "Mom never said can't." You have done such an amazing job with them that I really only have to become an extension of who you were as a parent. I love you so much for that. Sure it has been hard. There are so many things you have already missed in the physical sense. But you have already shown each of them how you will be present with them for the rest of their lives. And that makes me so proud.
This final letter is not good bye....you will be with me for the rest of my days. I hear you in every decision I make, I ask myself "what would Lyd do?" We have even started a Foundation in your name. TeamLyd Foundation will help people with cancer in your honor and focus on how to help detect cancer sooner to help save lives. As you strolled the halls of MD Anderson and prayed with people who had cancer, while unselfishly asking how they were doing (after you had gone through 21 rounds of chemo) I had no other choice but to continue to try to bless as many people as possible on this earth in your name!
Yesterday I was wondering if there was a significance in the day you passed from this earth, Oct 26th, 2017? And here we are exactly 1 month later, and in church today I learned we began the Advent Season today. The start of a new year for the Christian faith...a time for renewal. It is the beginning of the Christmas season, which is your favorite time of year! And, of course, the color of Advent...your favorite color- Purple. I can't wait to see you again Lydia.
Forever Your Love,
Dean
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