Today is an emotion filled today.  This is the one year mark since my chordoma surgery at MD Anderson.  One year ago I will never forget the complete fear that came over my body and mind as I walked with Travis, my brother, and mom down the hallways to get to the waiting room to be prepped for surgery.  The thoughts of 'what if I don't wake up' and 'what if they can't get tumor' shouted in my head. It was a haunting feeling I will never forget. But what is even more remarkable was the feeling that came as they prepped me. The feeling that I knew I was going to be ok, in whatever way that meant.  It was a feeling of calmness and comfort.  I believe it was the power of prayer that I felt and I have no doubt it carried me through that moment and many others since then.

Today as I reflect on all these emotions and fact that it was has now been a year, I would be foolish to not reflect on and appreciate all that so many people did for me.  Our parents and family that helped the kids get to and from school and activities, and more importantly emotionally support them when so much was unknown and I was far away. The kids schools (teachers, principals, staff) that gave them encouragement, extra hugs, prayers, and so much more. The friend(s) that led and participated in praying a rosary on my behalf! The friend that made Will his "favorite" birthday treat to share with his class...and the ones that went or called the school that day making sure he had something or offering to go grab something from O'Rears bakery. The friend(s) that had a little birthday celebrations for Will at their house and and ours. The friends that flew out to see me in the hospital and saw me in most vulnerable times (and saw way more than they probably wanted- frankenbooty! ha!) The friends that cleaned my house, made food, and decorated my house for Fall. My pastor and church family that laid their hands on me to pray before surgery and never stopped! For the cards, food, texts, PRAYERS! It's truly humbling to think about how many people helped me and my family at the time I was most in need. Thank you for being there for me!! {although words still don't seem sufficient enough!}

Today I want to celebrate and shout from the roof tops how thankful I am to be alive! I am so grateful to have had a "successful" surgery and to be recovering each day.  But, I'll be honest, that I don't want to poke the bear {cancer} because I know my "one year" scans are in two weeks. It is a weird state of mixed emotions.  I, just like you, don't know what the future holds.  I continue to take one day at a time, wipe away the tears, take big breaths, and be thankful!  I won't sit here and dwell on all the scary times and thoughts, as it's easy to do, but instead continue to live my life and find ways to help others.  

If you want to celebrate with me...I ask that you do something kind for someone today.  It can be a family member or a complete stranger-hold a door, give a smile, whatever! 'Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Be KIND.  ALWAYS.'

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"Fear not, I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10