As paralyzing as this fear of relapse and navigating survivorship can feel, I was reminded by my transplant nurse that I chose to do transplant to live not to be held captive by this disease. Hearing that gave me some sort of internal permission that I needed to really just get back to living my normal life. Since that appointment, we went to Hilton Head Island with a big group of our family members and had the most magical and nostalgic experience! There was a time (and will always be in the back of my mind) that I thought I would never get to celebrate these little moments and make these memories or take these vacations again. 

After we got back, I had an appointment with a cardiologist due to my new onset heart palpitations. I had an ECHO and then wore a heart monitor for two weeks. I meet with her at the end of May to get my results. I also met with my oncologist and he was pleased with how many providers have been involved in my care and doing his “upkeep/job.” At the end of the appointment he asked us if we would want more children. Clint and I were taken aback because initially we were told that we would never be able to have more children (please know how grateful we are for our two daughters) due to the leukemia and the transplant. However, when I didn’t go into menopause, that question had always been at the back of my mind but I thought I wouldn’t even bring that up until 5 years post transplant. He went on to say that if we were interested in having another baby we could start discussing the options in January (which puts me at 2 years post transplant). We have been praying for clarity but I know we both want to meet with a fertility doctor and surrogate to inquire about other options. I am hopeful that I can utilize resources to be able to talk to someone who has experienced pregnancy or having a baby after chemotherapy and cancer. *I want to address that this topic is very sensitive. I don’t want to dismiss anyone who has faced infertility or the challenges that comes with pregnancy and carrying a child. I see you, I am praying for you. 

“And she found her peace in prayer. Because anxiety would not overtake her. When God was the anchor of her life. And his steadfast hands held her. And never let her go.”