Found this going thru some stuff. Mom was good at saving stuff like this and saving many other things as well. Between my sister, dad, Kenzie and I we got the tree up and I know mom would be so proud because it's beautiful. I got the angel on top that we used growing up.

Everyone grieves different. I have been up early with dad and try to keep busy. That helps me. Dad says he hates the silence in the house. Tonight after I got home from dropping Kenzie off, he was sitting in his recliner in silence. By the look on his face, I would say he had cried and he was very quiet and responded "I was just thinking." Today he was telling me how much Jazzy loved her mommy.

I hope to have some routine for him before I go back to work. How much time does that take? Work has been extremely understanding and flexible. I wish I could say I have been out because of just being exposed to Covid then having Covid and that's it. But this time, it was so much more than that. It's not just recovering myself with still no taste, but when we all were trying to heal from Covid - including our prayers and love for mom as she fought for her life followed by having to let her go and attempt to spring back from that seems like the biggest challenging time ever. Everyday I think is one step forward for dad but I help him throughout the day with meals, dressing (not much here), making the bed, and keeping him company is the biggest. He does alot on his own (except cooking) but just needs a reminder here and there.

And I have been cleaning as much as I can because there is a ton of stuff to go through. My main reason for this is trying to figure out finances to know what my sister and I need to do and where dad's finances are. Dad doesn't know anything about this. Why? Because they were your old fashioned couple. Dad signed his check and gave to mom and she literally took care of everything.

I sit in mom's recliner at night in the most quiet times and I cry. I miss her tremendously. Dad and I have talked and it feels like we wait for her to come home from work but we know she isn't coming. Dad talks to me here and there about mom but he's not a big talker. He never has been when he is grieving. I try to give him his space and respect his want and need for independence. And we will just take one day at a time.

I still cannot believe.... she is gone forever from this life but she will live on forever in my heart. And I will continue on to make her the proudest mom ever!