Hi all, I'm  excited to conclude this Caring Bridge blog. We're celebrating that this adventure has ended so well. I'm in remission, have my stem cells banked and am feeling better every day...almost back to "normal"... whatever that is😋 My stamina and strength are "gentle" reminders that recovery as the docs say will still take a few more months. That's the easy part, describing the physical part of this experience. What I really want to try to share is the relational and spiritual experience of the past 11 months. It's so difficult to explain something that really can't be put into words when that's all you have, but I'll give it my best shot.

Scripture says that three things are important...faith,hope and love. What appropriate words. It also says, "the greatest of these is love". (I Corinthians 13:13) If I had to condense these past months into one word-that would be it. I've been blessed throughout my life to know love from my family, friends and especially God. But, it has never been as tangible, pervasive and profound as during this cancer journey.

Sometimes we humans find ourselves in difficult places in life...tragedy, illness, disappointment, emotional turmoil, financial hardship and so many other things. Sometimes in the midst of these turbulent storms it's easy to become angry, cynical or cry, 'unfair'. Often our cry may be, "why"God--'why did this happen, why won't you fix it, why did you let this happen'? 
I confess there have been times in my own life when that was my default reaction and probably at some ventures may be again. But I hope that one of the things that this season has taught me and reminded me is there are better questions to ask than 'why'.

While there is so much I don't know about God there are some things I stake my life on...God made us to love and be loved by Him; God always keeps His promises and He will never abandon us even if we accuse Him of doing so. While He will never force a relationship with us it is His utmost desire to that we seek Him and give our lives to Him. That's why we sing "Silent Night"-- Jesus came!

When the diagnosis of lymphoma came I was shocked. I knew there was a problem but I didn't think it's name was cancer! I remember looking at Dr. D'Sousa and wanting to say, "are you talkin' to me?"
Though surprise was my first reaction, fear was not present in that room. Instead there was a surreal sense of peace and calm and assurance that we were not in this alone. Over the next months God would show us that over and over and remind me how much we are loved. Part of that feeling of being so loved and cared for came in the form of so many family and friends who immediately told us they were with us, praying for us and loved us.

You kind of know that about those close in your life. But wow!! The response from people all over, some of who I didn't even know was amazing. It was the most intense, tangible expression of love I'd ever felt even though much of it was not face to face but came in the form of letters, cards, texts, posts, calls and gifts. Our Wisconsin friends  whom we've only known for a few years felt like family. I was constantly aware of the prayers of the Bible Babes back in Maryland as well as so many special friends from our life there. One of the most precious things was to hear from "old" friends from the past and bring able to re-connect in meaningful ways. There is nothing so sweet as having your family hang on for the ride with you! As for Harry, my sweetheart and soul mate, he has surely kept his vow of loving me "in sickness and in health". He has been my rock in so many ways. 

I think that this feeling of love and support was what enabled me to skip the "why" question and ask something better..."what"? What can we learn from this experience? What can God do with me to use this situation to help others, to make it meaningful, to make it worth it? What do you want me to do with the rest of my life?

While there was no "lightening bolt" answer or neon sign posted in the sky, there was a sweet, calm assurance that God heard those prayers and would show me if I trusted Him and was willing to be patient. Most of you know that patience is NOT one of my gifts!! I began to meet people who were going through some very tough times and though I had no specific answers to their situations I could offer what I knew...God loves them and would walk them through the most difficult days if they would allow Him to and would trust Him. I know these words may sound like platitudes or lofty phrases but they are rock solid truths that no amount of turmoil or trouble can wipe out. 
"Because He lives", is not just a Gaither song lyric, but the truth that will carry me through every life storm and safely into the presence of God when it's my time to leave this Earth. 

I hope that sharing this journey with me has been meaningful for you as well and that you all know that if you ever need an ear or have the need for some love, I'm your girl. I'm always just a call or text away.  As I said in an earlier post, this is not an experience I would have chosen, but the blessings gained from going through it with God and especially with all of you, my loved ones, has made it more than worth it and something I'll be forever grateful.  Love to each of you. Linda