I have been contemplating this journal update for almost a month now. How do I introduce the various struggles I have faced post-radiation? How do I explain the events that took place after my first followup appointment? How do I explain the daily battle I face every morning when I wake up?

Life is a difficult journey. You never really know what is coming down the pipeline next, nor can you really ever expect to understand it. Let me recap my journey to this point.

August 3rd - Ordered to get an MRI after my ophthalmologist noticed problems with my eyes/vision.
August 4th - Diagnosed with what appeared to be a primary brain tumor.
August thru November - Constant blood tests, two spinal taps (painful!), two preps for surgery that were ultimately cancelled at the last second because of tumor shrinkage
November 20th - Stereotactic Brain Biopsy.. Brain surgery to grab a sample of the tumor. (Scary!) Diagnosis confirmed as cancerous germinoma.
December 7th -  Baseline cognitive testing, CT scans, fitted with a mask for future radiation treatment
December 14th thru January 22nd - Proton Radiation Therapy is in full swing. Weekday treatments every day..
February 29th - First followup MRI post radiation shows little remains of my cancerous growth. Hope is building.

You are caught up through February. The very next day that I received my good news, my dad is admitted to the hospital with altered mental state. It's cancer. Brain cancer. What a nightmare. Cancer is back to haunt me again. My Dad, the champion of my recovery. My driver to and from my appointments. The person who forced me to eat even when I was sick. He was taken from me just one day after the good news. He fought relentlessly against cancer and passed March 17th.

Cancer has taken such a huge toll on our family in such a short amount of time. It's almost hard to imagine what life was like before cancer. As I continue to fight and travel the road to remission, I am constantly challenged. I do have some reflections to share so far though.

If those of you who are also battling cancer ever need advice, look at your attitude. You may be having the worst day of your life, but if you tell yourself you are having the worst day of your life, you are going to be stuck in an endless cycle of grief. No matter how difficult your life has become, you have to replace the bad with the good things that used to make your life bright and sunny.

Crawling out of bed for me is a nightmare as I face nausea and morning sickness to the point that Karla and I joke that I know what it feels like to be pregnant. Instead of focusing on that nausea, I focus instead on my workplace and my work family. I love what I do and I need that positive energy to replace all of the negativity that cancer is trying to plant in my head. I focus on my future goals to run again. You need to grab onto these future goals.

Just this past Sunday, I took my first steps towards physical recovery. As you know, I am a marathoner through and through. Shout out to Austin Runners Club. I can't wait to get back to the Tuesday and Thursday workouts. Running is my passion. Sunday, I took part in the Capitol 10K here in Austin. It was my first flirtation with the running scene since late July when I started experiencing symptoms. I walked six miles of the race and willed my body to run the final 0.2 miles. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was a huge physical accomplishment and the mental victory was even larger in my mind.

You will never win the long battle with cancer if your mind quits on you. Take your bad thoughts and replace them with future goals and things that you are going to do. Don't let go of that motivation and after a while, the narrative takes over and nothing can stop you. Momentum will take over. You can help your mind and body through the healing process. Radiation and positive thinking.. my saving graces.

Don't fret if you have one bad day here or there. You're only human right? It's going to be okay. Ask for help. Talk to a counselor at work. Talk to your friends.. family.. anybody that will listen. Don't keep your thoughts shut in. Share them with others so that your struggles can escape your mind and be replaced by your future goals. That's really the best I can offer up based on my past eight months of a really really strange journey.

Attached is a picture of the before and after of the growth in my brain. It feels weird to share this, but I'm comfortable telling my journey. If I can make it to this point of my recovery, you can accomplish anything. I was not particularly talented physically before my diagnosis.. I was a healthy guy who took care of himself, but I'm just saying there are a lot of stronger souls out there that may need some motivation to get across the finish line in the battle against cancer. Just point to my struggle. The human mind is a powerful thing, but you have to support it with positive reinforcement. Heal your mind.

Try your best out there.