I’m discovering that I really like a strong medical plan and then completing it.  I know this because my plans keep getting changed or shifting and I feel like I’m running to keep up.  I was supposed to finish all 12 sessions of chemo but when I met with the oncologist, she decided that I would be all done after 7.  I understand the reasoning but feel…..unfinished.  Like I somehow managed to fail at the job at hand.  I tried to shrug it off.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to avoid something so horrible……except it was tangible.  Something I could see and feel.  After that, nothing.  Nothing is sort of scary.

I got to go home and see and be with some of the people that I love most in this world.  It was a quick trip of a wedding reception, seeing my brother and his family, hanging with my Carol, and eating seafood with my cousins/ childhood best friends.  Everything my soul needed to survive this beast.

I took some time to regain my strength from chemotherapy.  Next up, radiation.  I need to go into Fairfax for this.  Not a huge drive but with construction, annoying.  Radiation….well, it’s been four days.  It’s pretty easy.  Once again, I’m in the prone position with my breast hanging down.  I have my arms above my head and I stay still.  There is something weird going on when I do this.  As soon as I’m not supposed to move, something gets itch or uncomfortable.  Mind over matter, I guess.  I can’t feel anything during radiation but I feel the heat afterwards.  Well, at least I think I feel the heat.  It is important to care for your skin to minimize the burning.  I’ve been using the suggested moisturizer twice a day to try and stay ahead of it.  It is accumulating so, it will get worse.  This was another example of thinking that I knew the plan before the rug was pulled out from under me.  I thought I’d receive 20 treatments but, I’m getting 16 because the Dr feels I don’t need the booster.  It stresses me out because again, I feel undone!  

I am trying to have faith in my amazing drs.  I’m trying to stay calm and quiet my thoughts.  I’m trying to just let things happen.  I’m trying to just be.  I’ll let you know how this all works out…..or maybe I won’t but if you know me, you’ll know! 

Prayer and good thoughts into the universe are so appreciated.  I’m so blessed to have the best family and friends.  You all mean so much to me.

Drop me a line so I know if anyone is reading my dribble!

Love,

L