I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut!  All the super ups and downs of Lauren’s cancer journey has my heart so heavy and I find it hard to breathe🥺 Some days I cry all day and other days I feel so numb and empty and other days I am so angry and frustrated.  I constantly question if we are making the right decisions when it comes to her cancer treatments while trying to make sure my other kid’s mental health is stable and my own.  It’s something no parent should have to go through and it’s definitely a lot. 

Although we are happy that she got into the Stanford immunotherapy trial, it comes at price.  A hefty one at that! 100k to 850k to see if this trial would even yield results for a longer life span or better quality of life. It could also come with bad side effects.  I had no idea that trials costed this much and was not discussed at any previous appointment.  As a parent we will do anything for our kids which is true.  But I also constantly feel like I’m in a flight or fight mode and want to throw up daily.  I hope it gets better soon because everything feels shitty right now 😖🥺😩😭💔