Just a check in.  I have returned back to work.  Ha- The first few nights I wondered truly if I could still do this?  I realized that chemo took a toll, physically and mentally.  I have taken both my body and mind for granted, and that was a true reality check when I stayed up all night working, walked more, and had to remember how to do technical things, remember things that I did for over 30 years seemed so difficult... I guess just 5 months away did take a toll.  I have more grace and mercy building in me everyday. In my weakness, and in my struggles is where I find strength.  Sounds backwards, and it sure is frustrating.  Learning along the way.  Night 3- MUCH better, getting into my groove again.  I am so thankful for my work family.  There was a sign when I came back as I walked down the hall that said "Welcome Home Kristin, you were so missed"  It is like a family - and the 3 co-workers/friends/family that were there stood beside me, ahead of me and right along side of me that first night back at work, and I am thankful for them.  

I have been feeling better each day. Slowly- everyday I feel better. I learned that with the stage of my cancer, my follow up visits will not be scans and tumor marker draws.  I will have blood draws, and with any pains or new symptoms they will be checked.   I know that those scans and blood draws can cause stress, but not doing them, not knowing whats going on in my body- cause stress; it's a no win.   I don't want to focus on  the cancer, or worry about it returning, but that does cause anxiety.  And not checking it during my follow up visits, honestly causes anxiety for me.  My oncologist said it will, it does for everyone.  The cancer society does not recommend scans and tumor marker blood draws.  I have been told that it is not helpful, nor does it prevent anything.  If it were to return, we test and treat if there are symptoms.  So again, I ask for prayer to not focus, worry and to have a trusting calm heart about the future.  That is just plain honesty.  I wish I could say, I have none of those anxieties and worries ....I'd be lying.  I don't want to have anything to do with cancer EVER again.  

So here's to every 3 weeks of herceptin/traztuzumab infusions and starting my aromatase inhibitor!  I will continue to fight this awful disease, and I will continue to trust that God has this; His plan has been decided for my life before I was born.  I will do everything I can, and Trust in Him!  

I have a few friends and family I want you to remember actively fighting this horrible disease, please pray for my Cousin Michelle- stage 4 breast cancer, My friend Michael  stage 4 colon cancer, and my co-workers' husband Scott with Lung cancer.  Prayers for them to  continue to  fight against this terrible disease, peace and strength for them.  Life is a gift- and I think we all take our bodies for granted until we are given a diagnoses that could strip it away.  Remember them in your prayers.  

Thanks for listening - again.  Feeling more and more like my old self.  So now I need to get busy and organize  a ton of paperwork, clean and organize and organize and organize ( bags of paperwork, I have ignored).... the story of my life that I have put off and need to do!  Big hugs to you all, I think of all of you and pray that your lives are filled with peace and Gods grace- I know we all need it!  Love you!