Today is a weird day, if I'm going to be honest.  It's hard, it's a bit triggering (and I hate that word), but it's also beautiful and something I'm very proud of.

   TWO YEARS.  Wow.

Exactly two years ago today--on February 17, 2022--after a completely normal mammogram result (ended up being an inaccurate scan read) only three months earlier, I found out that I had a very aggressive breast cancer.  My entire world changed on this date, and I knew that--no matter how it turned out--my life would never be quite the same again.  And it's not.

Now, I have some very real scars....both externally and internally.  I've been beaten up, chopped to bits, and put back together.

I've seen and felt many terrifying things.  I've prayed to "please not die yet" more times than I can count.  It feels like I've cried more in these past two years than I have in the four decades before combined.  I have felt fear that downright crippled me.

But I've also seen and felt LOVE more than I've every experienced before.  I've witnessed family and friends--even some strangers--come out of the woodwork to help me and my family through a nightmare...no questions asked...and expecting nothing in return.

In some ways, it seems like it hasn’t been anywhere close to two years—probably because so much seemed like a blur that I could barely process, but yet it also feels like—since I’ve been through so much during that time—it has to be much more than just two years.  All depends on the perspective, I guess. 

I firmly believe that God is LOVE.  And I have seen God in cancer constantly.  Even though some days are much harder than others, you just have to remember where to look.  God has been in every tear, every hug, every surgical recovery room, every doctor's hand, every scream of frustration, and every single prayer and well wishes that were sent out on my behalf.  

I have felt them all...and you all have no idea how much it has done for me--how much strength it has given me when I felt like I had none left.

It's true when they say, "There is life before cancer and life after cancer."  In many ways, my life will never be the same, but this was a journey that was mine to experience, and so I do the best I can to learn from it and grow from it.  Sure, I'm more battered now, and I've learned first-hand how LOOOOONG of a journey this truly is, but I've also been reminded of how much of a gift it is to simply LIVE.  I know what is important--and, more importantly--what just SO isn't.  It's a gift, every day, even on the days that hurt more than others.

And I'm so thankful that I'm still here to experience all of them.

Two years today.  

Two years that I would not have made it through without all of you loved ones out there. I will never be able to thank you enough for the big and small ways that you continued to show God to me during a time that can be very easy to hold on to anger or sadness.  You all were my tribe that simply would not let me quit.  You continued to show me God through your words, your actions, and just your presence and support.  You are LOVE, and--every day--you reminded me of the very blessed life that I wanted to keep fighting for.  And I will continue to do that--every day.

So, even though this is a very bittersweet day because it brings many hard memories, I celebrate that it was the first day of a battle that I am WINNING.  And so much of that is because of all of you.  Thank you.  I love you with everything I've got. ❤️

...Here's to many more.

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